


Baggins Investigations

by TanukiMara



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-05
Updated: 2013-04-24
Packaged: 2017-12-07 13:28:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/749011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TanukiMara/pseuds/TanukiMara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo Baggins, P.I.<br/>Thorin Oakenshield, Crime Lord.<br/>Kíli Durin, Missing In Action.</p><p>What has Bilbo got himself into?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Baggins Investigations, Frodo Baggins speaking, how may I direct your call?"

 

_"Bilbo Baggins, please."_

 

"One moment."

 

Pressing the hold button, the young man behind the welcome desk of the small office set the phone down and stood. He made his way towards the door to his left and he knocked before pushing it open.

 

"Uncle Bilbo, you done with lunch yet?"

 

Bilbo Baggins looked up from his sandwich to glare at his nephew, who simply smiled in return. To look at them one would be able to see the family resemblance, shown through curly hair, fair skin and extremely short stature, but the differences showed that they were not directly related. Whereas Bilbo had golden honey curls, Frodo's were as dark as soot. Bilbo's eyes were a warm brown, whereas Frodo's were as blue as a clear summer sky . Bilbo swallowed the chunk of bread in his mouth before waving irritably at his nephew and assistant.

 

"Why is it that we'll get no calls for hours and then the second I sit down to eat a call comes in?" He grumbled as he set the turkey sandwich down and nodding. "I'll take it."

 

Frodo nodded before retreating from the room. Once the door closed behind him Bilbo picked up the phone and hit the button for waiting call.

 

"Bilbo Baggins speaking."

 

_"Mr Baggins, my name is Balin Fundinson, I'm calling to engage your services."_

 

"What seems to be the problem, Mr Fundinson?"

 

_"I'm ringing on behalf of my employer, whose nephew has gone missing. We need him found."_

 

"I see. I can certainly help. Missing persons are fairly simple cases, I'll patch you back to my assistant who can take the details down."

 

_"Actually, Mr Baggins, I would rather speak to ye directly. It's a... Delicate... Situation. I'd like to make an appointment to come into your office."_

 

"Oh, ah, certainly. What time works for you? I'm free all day."

 

_"I'll be there in ten minutes."_

 

"What? Oh but-"

 

_Click._

Bilbo sighed heavily and set the phone down. With one last longing look at his sandwich he rose and left his office to stand in the doorway. Frodo was seated behind a plain desk, taping away at the keys on the computer.

 

"Frodo, we'll have a client in ten minutes," he informed his nephew. "Please make sure there's suitable refreshments available and then grab your notebook to sit in and take notes."

 

"Sure thing, Uncle," Frodo flashed Bilbo a fond smile. "I'll take care of it."

 

Bilbo shook his head and retreated to his office. He settled behind the plain desk and looked around. It was a sparsely decorated space, consisting mainly of a large wooden desk with a pin-up board behind it, where Bilbo would post important notes and details he didn't want to forget. The left wall was covered in bookshelves, with a large safe in the corner. Beside the door was a huge whiteboard on wheels that he brought out to manually track his progress for difficult cases.

 

The right wall held a large window and a dozen or so photoframes, most of them of Frodo and Bilbo.

  
Frodo. Bilbo sighed and rubbed his eyes. He worried about that boy. His parents had died on a boat cruise when he was little and Bilbo found himself suddenly taking care of a five year old who simply kept asking where his mother and father were, and when they were coming back. It had broken Bilbo's heart, and although they were rather distantly related, he had taken on the little boy and told him to call him 'uncle'. He had pushed himself after that, working as hard as he could and taking on as many cases as he could, to ensure he could provide the best for Frodo.

 

And now Frodo was proudly attending Minas Tirith, one of the most renowned universities around. Frodo had worked hard to get a partial scholarship, and though he insisted on trying to pay his school fees himself, Bilbo had heard none of it. He was proud of his nephew, and would never complain about the high price of his education. Frodo was worth it, even if it did get hard sometimes.

 

Bilbo was brought from his musings by voices outside the office. He hastily tucked the remainder of his sandwich away and stood, dusting off his slacks. Soon enough Frodo was leading a small group of men into the room, shuffling nervously himself.

 

"Here we are, Bilbo Baggins," Frodo announced nervously. Bilbo offered him a reassuring smile before looking his visitors over. He could see why Frodo was nervous.

 

A man with a long white beard was the first to step forward, shaking the hand Bilbo offered with a firm grip. He introduced himself as Balin. He had wise eyes and sensible clothing, a respectable looking man.

 

The next was less so. He was bald on top of his head, but the hair on the sides and his beard made up for it. As did that tattoos that seemed to race over every inch of visible skin. He seemed to be in his mid to late thirties, and was dressed in what appeared to be biker clothing, from the leather jacket to the dark jeans. He was scowling fiercely, and when Bilbo shook his hand he was sure he heard his own fingers creak under the pressure. He sat down with a muttered grumble of "Dwalin Fundinson, at yer service."

 

The third man was a young one, mid twenties if Bilbo had to guess. He was wearing the oddest combination of knit wear, from a cardigan to fingerless mitts, and he smiled shyly and shook Bilbo's hand with a gentle grip. His auburn hair was cut in an adorable bowl cut, little strange braids on the sides. His name was Ori, and he quickly settled in to watch the meeting to the side, a pad of paper and a pen handy.

 

Frodo returned with a tray holding several glasses and a pitcher of water, as well as jug of orange juice. He set it down on Bilbo's desk before retreating to the seat beside Ori, taking up his own pad and pen and smiling in amusement at Ori.

 

"So how can I help you today?" Bilbo began, settling behind his desk. "A missing person?"

 

Balin nodded to Dwalin who pulled out a photograph and set it on the desk. Bilbo took it up and gazed at it. The photo was of two boys, teenagers by the looks of it. One had golden hair, the other dark, and they looked strikingly similar.

 

"The dark 'un," Dwalin grunted. "Kili."

 

"Kili," Bilbo repeated as he set the photo down. "And he's run away?"

 

"We're not sure on tha' one," Balin said with a deep sigh. "He's either run away or been taken."

 

"Taken?" Bilbo looked at him, startled. "Then this is a matter for the police, Mr Fundinson!"

 

"No pigs," Dwalin snapped, sitting up straight. "No cops at all."

 

"Oh dear..." Bilbo shuffled nervously at that. It was never good when they didn't want the cops involved. "And what is your relationship to Kili?"

 

"We work for his uncle," Balin said cryptically. "And his Uncle wants 'im found, fast and without police involvement."

 

"This isn't exactly..." Bilbo glanced around nervously, mainly towards Frodo who was watching the proceedings with wide eyes. "I can't get involved in anything dangerous."

 

"Ye're a P.I," Dwalin said with a harsh laugh. "Isn't that yer job?"

 

"I track down bail jumpers," Bilbo stressed. "Find proof on cheating spouses, hunt down runaways and the occasional other unusual request. I don't get involved in kidnapping..."

 

"We just need you to find him," Balin said, leaning in. "Don't need to retrieve him, just find him. We're willing to pay quite handsomely."

 

"If you're willing to pay so much why not go to a more well known investigator?" Bilbo asked, desperately trying to weasel out of the job. He didn't want Frodo near anything dangerous. "Surely someone would be willing to travel from Erebor or Mirkwood for this?"

 

"Actually, we need _ye_ to travel to Erebor," Balin said, ignoring most of Bilbo's statement. "That's where we're from."

 

"You came all the way to the Shire for a P.I?" Bilbo asked in surprise. The Shire was a small town an hour from both Erebor and Mirkwood, a main stopping point for travellers between the two major cities. "But there are dozens of P.I.'s in Erebor!"

 

"But _ye_ are not in Erebor," Balin simply said with a smile. "Ye were recommended to us, and we were told not to use another."

 

"By who?" Bilbo cried. "Who on Earth could have recommended me so highly?"

 

"Older fella," Dwalin grunted. "Gandalf Grey."

 

Bilbo deflated into his chair with a sigh and a scowl. Of course. Gandalf, the wandering salesman. He had been a friend of Bilbo's parents, and often used their house as a stopping point on his trips. Bilbo had loved his visits as a child, especially around holidays when he would carry the most excellent fireworks.

 

"Oh, him," Bilbo sighed. "Well, I have tracked a few people down for him, mostly customers who have skipped out on paying him."

 

Dwalin and Balin exchanged amused looks at this for some reason.

 

"So it's agreed," Balin said with a grin as he rose from his chair. "Ori, the packet!"

 

Ori scrambled forward with a thick envelope. Bilbo took it and leafed through the notes in there, pulling out the top one. It was a general summary of the incident. Kili had been headed home from school and had never made it. His brother, Fili, had spent hours searching for him, only to find his school bag and its contents scattered around an alleyway.

 

"This looks like something more dangerous," Bilbo said nervously. "Are you sure you don't wan-"

 

"No police," Balin and Dwalin growled at the same time. Bilbo rose up to his full height (which was not very much if he was honest) as the two brothers began to discuss payment between themselves.

 

"Now, not that I don't appreciate the business, because I do, appreciate it that is," Bilbo said with a firm glare. "But I don't think I can get involved in this at all, it's just not legal and respectable, and it seems all about dangerous. An adventure, if you will, and I don't want to go on an adventure. So I'm going to have to decline, you see, I am sorry."

 

At his last words Balin and Dwalin broke off their talk to look at him. Bilbo quailed under the looks and Balin smiled.

 

"Apology accepted, laddie," he said, having apparently not heard anything else he had said. "Now, for payment, we'll cover all travel expenses, and put you up in a hotel, as travelling would get very tiresome. We'll pay your usual fee, as well as a bit extra for keeping it from the police. Though, considering what you may be up against... hmm, Gloin won't mind if we make it a bit more... We just need to hide the payment somehow. Dwalin, ideas?"

 

"Hide the payment?" Bilbo cried. "What on earth for?"

 

"Oh, this and that, legal reasons," Balin said with a wave of his hand. "Folks get suspicious of large payments being made."

 

"I think I need to sit down," Bilbo mumbled as he sank back into his seat. "What am I getting involved in?"

 

"My Uni!"

 

The cry came from Frodo, who had shot to his feet. Balin and Dwalin turned to look at him, as did Bilbo.

 

"What about it, lad?" Bilbo asked in a daze, still trying to process everything.

 

"I attend Minas Tirith university," Frodo explained to Balin and Dwalin. "I'm on a partial scholarship, but the fees are still high. I'm in my first year now. If you pay the cost for next year it should be a good cover."

 

"Frodo!" Bilbo was aghast at his nephew's encouragement. "I've saved for that!"

 

"And you can put that towards my _third_ year," Frodo said with a sigh. "This is a four year course, Uncle, we need all the help we can get."

 

"Done!" Balin said and he clapped his hands loudly together. "We will pay your expenses and your nephew's second year at uni. If you find Kili, we will pay his third year as well."

 

Bilbo was flabbergasted. He stared in shock at the men who were gathering their things together, looking all too pleased with themselves. Frodo was talking to Ori and exchanging details, both of them scribbling furiously. Ori hurried forward to hand the paper to Balin who signed something on it before putting it down in front of Bilbo. It was a contract, stating that Bilbo would complete the job at his utmost discretion. Bilbo knew that after he signed that there would be no turning back, he was stuck until the job was done.

 

"Okay..." Bilbo blinked up at the other men as he scrawled his name across the bottom. "Very well. When do we begin?"

 

"We just have," Balin nodded to the packet as he took back the contract. "All our contact details are in there, we'll be back tomorrow morning at nine with a car. Thank you, Mr Baggins."

 

"Aye, thank ye," Dwalin gave an evil smile as he  grabbed Ori by the scruff of his cardigan and began to drag him towards the door. "Mr Oakenshield'll be mighty pleased."

 

With that, the strange company vanished through the door, leaving Bilbo staring after them with his heart in his throat and his mind spinning in circles.

 

Thorin Oakenshield.

 

With a yelp Bilbo tore through the contents of the packet, pulling up all the photographs they had provided. He laid them out across the desk with shaking hands.

 

Kili stared up at him a dozen times over, always with Fili by his side. In over half of the photos another man was present. He looked a lot like Kili, and now Bilbo was kicking himself for not seeing the resemblance.

 

But then again, he never expected to have members of the Durin crime family in his little office.

 

Thorin Oakenshiled was notoriously known throughout Erebor, Mirkwood, the Shire, even Gondor where Frodo studied. His last name was actually Durin, but he went by Oakenshield, from the rumoured incident where he picked up an oak two by four and bashed someone's head in with it. The Durin crime family head, he was a commanding presence in both the underground world and the above one. Extremely wealthy, he owned several companies and business franchises. He donated to several charities, funded medical research and was a close friend to the mayor of Erebor.

 

And then there was the other side of the coin.

 

The Durin family was the biggest organized crime family in Erebor. They ran the drug trade, all the whore houses and street prostitutes, they had countless clubs, pubs, bars and strip joints. Most importantly, they owned all the casinos in town.

 

No one had ever been able to pin anything illegal on Thorin himself. He covered his tracks too well, which was easy to do with almost endless money coming in. He had built himself a large mansion outside of town, looking down on the city, that most called 'The Lonely Mountain.'

 

And now Bilbo was being paid to find his nephew. His missing, possibly kidnapped nephew.

 

A glass of water was thrust into his hand and Bilbo blinked up at Frodo gratefully. He drowned the glass and set it aside, shaking his head softly.

 

"Oh, Frodo, what have we got ourselves mixed up into?" he asked with a sigh. Frodo smiled at him.

 

"It'll be fine, Uncle Bilbo," he said. "Trust me."

 

"Hmph," Bilbo spun back to look at the photos again. "When do you return to Uni?"

 

"I start again Monday," Frodo said as he gathered up the glasses. "My train to Gondor leaves Sunday morning."

 

"Wanting to beat your roommate back?" Bilbo guessed with a smile. Frodo scowled.

 

"The last time Strider beat me back he rearranged the room entirely," Frodo muttered. "He pushed our beds together!"

 

"And you still haven't brought him home for dinner," Bilbo said with a mocking shake of his head. "For shame."

 

With that he began to shoo Frodo from the office, wanting to get a start on the information as soon as possible. Ignoring the shout of "He's not my boyfriend!" he shut the door and returned to the desk.

 

His fingers trailed over the photos as he sat down. Kili had long dark brown hair, whereas Thorin's hair was black. They both had blue eyes, but Thorin's were sparkling like sapphires, visible even in the photograph. He was an incredibly handsome man, but his face was hard and lined, as though he never smiled.

 

Bilbo pulled the rest of the packet towards him, laying out the files. He turned to his computer and opened up the P.I. search engine, one he had access to after passing his course. He typed in Kili's name and hit enter, waiting for the results to load.

 

He turned back to the papers and looked over Kili's schedule. He attended school at Erebor Central High, the most prestigious and expensive school in Erebor. He usually walked home, as he lived with his mother only a block away. After school on Tuesdays and Thursdays he had archery club, but he went missing on a Wednesday.

 

When he hadn't arrived home by dinner his mother, Dis, had called Fili. Fili had panicked and called Thorin, who organized a search party. Apparently Fili and Kili were both very close. Fili was in his final year of university at the UE, and he stilled lived his mother and commuted every day.

 

The search party turned up nothing until Fili ducked down an alley and found Kili's bag, contents scattered everywhere.

 

Bilbo turned back to the screen loaded up before him and scanned the details that had popped up. Nothing really. It looked like Kili kept his life pretty clean, despite his uncle's business. He was a star student, excelled at archery and was being scouted for the national team.

 

Bilbo quickly found Kili's mobile number amongst the papers before him and picked up the phone. He hit the intercom to Frodo's desk.

 

" _What?"_ Ahh, still sulking over the 'boyfriend' comment.

 

"I need you to activate the GPS in Kili's phone," Bilbo said. Frodo grumbled by jotted down the number and provider. "Thank you, darling nephew who lives to ser-"

 

Chuckling as Frodo slammed the phone down Bilbo turned back to the computer and picked up his own phone. He dialled a familiar number and waited, tapping his pen.

 

" _General Bank of Erebor, Hobbiton branch, Falco Baggins speaking._ "

 

"Falco, it's Bilbo."

 

" _No._ "

 

"I ju- what? Falco! It's just a small favour!"

 

" _I told you, Bilbo. I will be happy to do all and any favours you require of me, if you promise to track down the scoundrel that's been defiling my Poppy._ "

 

"Falco, she's almost nineteen, she can choose who she dates!"

 

" _No she can't! She's my precious girl and she doesn't know what's best for her!_ "

 

"Look, if I give you a name will you leave off?"

 

" _You have a name?!"_

"Of course. You think I was going to let my cousin run around with some boy who I don't even know?"

 

" _Fine. A name. I'll find him myself from that._ "

 

"Filibert Bolger. Now will you help me?"

 

_"Filibe- that's her T.A at uni!"_

"Falco! Please!"

 

" _Oh, alright, what do you need?_ "

 

"Traces on two cards. I'll email the numbers through."

 

" _Yeah, not a problem. I'll send you a text message if there are any hits._ "

 

"Thanks, Falco."

 

Bilbo set the phone down and rubbed his eyes before he sent off the email, his fingers flying over the keys. Done, he cricked his neck and grabbed the phone again.

 

The best thing about being a Baggins, in Bilbo's opinion, was that there were so damn many of them. It came from his father being one of five, as was his grandfather. There were Bagginses all over The Shire, in every trade.

 

Yes, the only thing better than being a Baggins, was being half-Baggins, Half-Took. He had all the respectability of a Baggins, with all the connections of being a Took.

 

His mother was one of _twelve._ And Tooks, being Tooks, were a lot more adventurous than any others in the Shire. So while Bilbo may have his Baggins connections here in The Shire, he had many Tooks who had branched off to Erebor and Mirkwood he could call if needed.

 

And right now, a call was needed.

 

Bilbo dialled a number from his contacts book and waited, looking over the photographs as the phone rang. He knew he should be studying Kili, but his eyes were drawn always to Thorin.

 

" _Border control, Flambard Took speaking._ "

 

"Flambard, it's Cousin Bilbo."

 

" _Bilbo! How are you, old chap?_ "

 

"In a bit of a pickle!"

 

" _Oh dear, anything I can help with?_ "

 

"Yes, actually. One of Frodo's dear childhood friends went on a bit of a... well, a misguided celebration."

 

" _Ah, to be young and able to drink until you don't feel it. Lost his way, has he?_ "

 

"Precisely. But we can't exactly inform the police, he's...quite young."

 

" _Oh dear, oh dear._ "

 

"Frodo tried to stop him, but the poor lad would hear none of it. Could you keep an eye out for him, off the record?"

 

" _Of course, anything to help a poor misguided youth. Name and description?_ "

 

"Kili. Long dark brown hair, blue eyes, around sixteen, medium build and height."

 

" _I'll have the boys all keep an eye out for him. Don't worry, we'll keep it all hush-hush._ "

 

"Thanks, cousin, I owe you one."

 

" _Nonsense, Bilbo, you're family!_ "

 

Saying quick goodbyes Bilbo hung up and gathered the papers together. He had done all he could now, it was simply a matter of waiting to see if any of his contacts picked up anything.

 

Sliding the papers back into the folder and the folder itself into his briefcase Bilbo shut down his computer and left the room. He closed his office door behind him and smiled at the sight of Frodo, who was flopped over his desk playing solitaire.

 

"Come on, kid, let's head home," Bilbo said, reaching out to ruffle Frodo's hair. Frodo smiled up at him and began to close up his desk and computer.

 

"Uncle Bilbo, are you going to be okay?" Frodo asked quietly as they made their way to the door. "You seem... skittish."

 

"I'll be a lot better knowing you're safely away in Gondor," Bilbo confessed as he locked the door behind him. "The last thing I ever wanted to do was get involved with the Durin Crime Family, but if they pay as well as they promise... I just want you to keep out of this."

 

"Yes, Uncle," Frodo sighed, but his smile was fond. Bilbo knew that Frodo took care of him as much as he took care of Frodo.

 

He would be lost once the boy finished his course and went out into the world. Frodo wanted to travel, and write about the places he saw. Bilbo wasn't about to hold him back, but he couldn't help but feel a twinge of loneliness at the idea of Frodo being halfway across the world while he was stuck back home in The Shire, in an empty house.

 

The walk home was a quick one. Their suburb, Hobbiton, was the largest one in The Shire, but the office and Bilbo's house weren't far from each other. Frodo hummed happily to himself as he walked, phone in hand and a secretive smile on his face as he texted away. Bilbo walked beside him in silence, his mind moving a mile a minute.

 

Tomorrow he would return to the office and head off to Erebor for an indefinite period of time. He had hoped to spend the day with Frodo before he returned to Gondor the day after, but with this amount of money being offered, even if he didn't find Kili, he couldn't turn it down.

 

Frodo unlocked the door to their house, thankfully on the bottom floor. Bilbo waved him ahead and hurried to his neighbours yard where he could see his friend Hamfast Gamgee pruning his prize roses in the fading light.

 

"Hamfast, good evening," Bilbo greeted him. Hamfast smiled up at him and wiped his brow, nodding.

 

"Indeed it is, Bilbo, what can I do for you?" he asked. Hamfast was a good man, always eager to help a neighbour. Bilbo had little time to tend the small garden out the front of his house, and to his surprise Hamfast had taken over. He refused payment, claiming he selfishly wanted to expand his own garden.

 

As a result, Bilbo's garden had flourished. The house was a tiny little thing, squashed wall to wall with the houses on either side, so having a lovely garden really was a nice thing.

 

"Frodo returns to Uni on Sunday," Bilbo said with a sigh, running a hand through his curls. "And I have a job in Erebor. I was wondering if young Samwise would be available to watch the house?"

 

"He'd be delighted," Hamfast chuckled. "Anything to get him out of home, you know how they are."

 

Samwise was Hamfast's son. The same age as Frodo, they had been best friends all through childhood. They had both been upset to be separated after school had finished, but they both knew that they would remain close friends even with Frodo studying in Gondor and Samwise taking on a chef's apprenticeship.

 

"Thank you so much," Bilbo said tiredly. "I'm sure he'll be over tomorrow to keep Frodo company after I leave anyway."

 

"Not a problem, Bilbo," Hamfast waved his thanks away. "Have fun in the big city!"

 

"Oh, I doubt it," Bilbo muttered to himself as he strode off. He paused at the door to his house and smiled, looking back at Hamfast. "And tell Sam that if he brings around young Miss Cotton he's to have her home before midnight!"

 

Hamfast's roaring laughter followed him into the house.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

It was a quiet dinner Bilbo and Frodo shared that night. Frodo was glued to his phone, texting someone like crazy, while Bilbo simply sipped his tea and watched the boy in fond exasperation.

 

When Frodo had first rang from Uni he had raved non-stop about his roommate. Strider was amazing. Strider was so _smart._ Strider helped him with his work. Strider showed him around campus. Strider would rather stay home and study with Frodo than go out and party.

 

Bilbo had approved of Frodo's friend, pleased there was a positive influence on the boy. And then when Bilbo had travelled up to visit Frodo one weekend he had gotten the shock of a lifetime when he realized 'Strider' was actually just a nickname for Aragorn, son of the Mayor of Gondor. After watching Aragorn interact with Frodo for an hour he had waited until Frodo had slipped off to the bathroom before rounding on the lad (who was quite a lot taller than him) and had told him in no uncertain tones that if he broke Frodo's heart Bilbo would ensure that no one would ever find the body, and remember, he's a P.I, so he can track Aragorn to whatever hole he crawls back into no matter where it is.

 

Aragorn had been properly subdued when Frodo had returned, full of suspicious looks for both his Uncle and roommate.

 

Still, as long as he didn't hurt Frodo, Bilbo was happy someone was looking out for his nephew. Now Bilbo just needed to look out for himself.

 

He wasn't sure when it happened, but Bilbo dozed off on his chair, head tilted back against the rest. He was woken by Frodo, who was smiling down at him, shaking his shoulder gently.

 

"Go to bed, Uncle," Frodo urged. "I'll get up with you in the morning and walk you to the office."

 

"Mmmff..." Bilbo stretched and rose, creaking his neck. "You don't need to do that, lad."

 

"Yes I do," Frodo said with a laugh. "I need to leave a message on the machines saying that we're currently closed."

 

"Oh drat," Bilbo scowled. "I always forget one thing."

 

"I'll handle it, Uncle," Frodo reassured him as he herded Bilbo towards his bedroom. "Go to sleep, set an alarm, and I'll set one too."

 

Bilbo grumbled but agreed. Frodo gave him a quick hug before pushing him into his bedroom and closing the door. Bilbo sighed and rolled his shoulders before he double checked he had everything he needed packed and ready to go.

 

"Tomorrow I set out for Erebor," Bilbo murmured softly to himself. "Me. Bilbo Baggins. Going on an _adventure._ "

 

Bilbo had been to Erebor before, of course, to hunt down people and meet with contacts, but never for an extended period.

 

Settled into bed, Bilbo spread the photos out around him again. He gazed at them until his eyes were heavy and then he flicked the lamp off and settled down to sleep.

 

His dreams were filled with long dark hair tangled in his fingers, sapphire blue eyes softened with emotion and thin, hard lips quirked into a smile.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Erebor was busy. Erebor was noisy. Erebor was crowded.

 

Bilbo scowled as he was hustled along by Dwalin and Balin into the lobby of the hotel he had been booked into. People were everywhere, and Bilbo was once again reminded just how small he was. They didn't seem to notice the small man around their elbows, and Bilbo was grateful for Dwalin's presence. He seemed to scare off most people in a small radius around them.

 

Once Balin had checked him in Bilbo was pulled away from where he was peering cautiously into the hotel's fountain feature and towards an elevator. That's where he dug his heels in.

 

"Erm, the stairs should be fine for me," he said with a shaky smile to Balin.

 

"Nonsense," Dwalin's hand clamped down on his shoulder. "It's twenty three floors."

 

"Good exercise," Bilbo said, trying to dig his heels in. It was futile, and he soon found himself propelled forward into the elevator by Dwalin. Ori twittered behind him nervously, fussing over him and shooting Dwalin reproachful looks.

 

Bilbo swallowed as the doors closed and they began to rise. He never liked elevators. The idea of being in a steel box that could drop at any moment made him greatly nervous. None of the others seemed fazed so Bilbo concentrated on taking deep, steadying breaths.

 

The elevators chimed an age later and Bilbo was the first to shoot through the doors. He took a deep breath of air and followed along behind the others, grateful to be out of there. Ori was watching him nervously, but Dwalin and Balin didn't seem to notice anything.

 

They arrived at room three and to Bilbo's surprise there were already others in the room. The suite, he should say. He noticed that it was as big as his house with no small resentment.

 

Dwalin dropped his bag with a thump, not noticing Bilbo's wince at the action before stretching his back and turning to the two men waiting for them.

 

"Baggins, this is Bofur and Bifur," he grunted, nodding to the men. "This is Bilbo Baggins. He's the P.I."

 

"Hello," Bilbo mumbled as he looked them over.

 

Bifur looked fierce, on edge and dangerous. He was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, eyes darting all over at once. His long beard grew in black and white, but it didn't seem to be due to age, more likely stress.

 

Bofur, in complete contrast, was a cheerful fellow. Hair in two braids, a funny hat atop his head and a bright smile, he instantly soothed Bilbo's nerves.

 

"Hello there, Mister Baggins," Bofur greeted him with a nod. "I'll be yer guide. Bifur, my cousin before you ask, will be your driver. Where you go, he goes."

 

"Oh, a driver isn't necessary!" Bilbo squeaked. "Really."

 

Bifur grunted wordlessly and clapped his hands, drawing everyone's attention. His fingers flew in rapid sign language and Bofur nodded in return.

 

"Bifur insists," he explained. Seeing Bilbo's helpless look he laughed. "Don't worry, lad. He's not deaf, just mute. Accident in his twenties. He can hear ya just fine, he just can't talk back."

 

Bilbo nodded slowly in acknowledgement, looking around the suite slowly. It was richly decorated, with two different rooms. He could see one from where he stood, two twin beds set up side by side. Bags were unpacked around the room, so Bilbo assumed Bofur and Bifur had claimed it for their own.

 

As the others talked Bilbo crept over to look at the other room, presumably the one he would be occupying.

 

To his surprise, there was someone in there already. Two queen beds took up the room, and a young man was seated on one, golden head in his hands. Bilbo instantly recognized him from the photos.

 

Fili.

 

As if sensing eyes on him he looked up and started at the sight of Bilbo. Before the older man could react Fili was across the room. He grabbed Bilbo's arm and twisted it, causing the older man to shriek in pain as he suddenly found himself face down on the carpet.

 

' _Oh, well this is going swimmingly._ '

 

"How did you get here?" Fili demanded. "Who are you?"

 

"Fili! Fili, no!" Ori shrieked somewhere nearby. Bilbo's arm was released and he collapsed onto the carpet, watching as Ori pushed Fili away before turning to help him up, concern written on his face. "Are you okay, Mister Baggins?"

 

"Yes, yes," Bilbo mumbled in a daze. "Oh my..."

 

"Baggins?" Fili asked, horror dawning on his face. "Oh no..."

 

Bilbo was aware of Dwalin roaring with laughter behind him and he tried to smile at Fili.

 

"It's okay, lad, I shouldn't have disturbed you when you were thinking so hard," he said, rubbing the back of his head. "Bilbo Baggins, at your service."

 

"Fili Durin, at yours," Fili mumbled, looking ashamed of himself.

 

"Well, if we're all settled," Dwalin said with a roll of his eyes. "We'll leave you to it."

 

Balin nodded and said a quick farewell before drifting towards the door. Dwalin followed and paused at the door, turning back with a scowl.

 

"Ori!"

 

Ori yelped before darting off after the older man, smiling at Bilbo as he passed. Dwalin scowled after the young assistant before glaring at Bilbo and slamming the door shut behind them.

 

 "Well then," Bilbo mumbled as he stood, dusting himself off. "Um, why exactly are you here, lad?"

 

"I know my brother better than anyone," Fili said with a sad sigh. "I want to help find him."

 

"I won't object to the help," Bilbo admitted as he collected his bag and moved back to the room. He set his bag down on the unoccupied bed. "Can you tell me how Kili was acting the days before his disappearance? Anything unusual?"

 

"No, nothing," Fili said with a shrug. "He was the same as he always it."

 

"Nothing at all? He wasn't unusually happy or anything?" Bilbo asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

"He was nervous about next Saturday," Fili offered with a shrug. "He's got an archery tournament, against the best of Mirkwood Central High. The scouts for the national team will be there. But that's no problem, Kili's the best archer in Erebor, he loves archery."

 

"How nervous is he?"

 

"A bit," Fíli shrugged. "Kíli doesn't let himself get nervous. Uncle never let him. He said that nerves were just for being that wanted to be coddled. It's best to simply suck it up and push it aside, rather than wallow in it."

 

"What about the opposing team?" Bilbo asked, pulling out his laptop and booting it up. "Anyone with a grudge?"

 

"Oh yes," Fili laughed, a bitter edge to it. "Legolas Greenleaf. He's a senior over at Mirkwood Central, and he's always hated that Kili is only a junior and already better than him."

 

"Hmm..." Bilbo entered Legolas into the P.I search engine and waited impatiently to see if anything would come up. "But would he go as far as to harm Kili over an archery tournament?"

 

"It's not just that," Fili shook his head. "Archery is everything to Legolas, yes, but it's more who his father is."

 

"Oh?" The search on Legolas turned up next to nothing, as searches on young ones often did. "And who's that?"

 

"Thranduil Greenleaf," Fili sighed. "He's... well, he's Uncle's equivalent over in Mirkwood."

 

"Oh dear," Bilbo quickly searched the name and his eyes popped open. "He's the mayor?!"

 

"Didn't I mention that?" Fili said with a scowl. "He hides behind politics. At least Uncle Thorin's honest about what he is."

 

Thranduil had no actual charges, as expected, but many P.I's had submitted comments to the page, stating Thranduil's involvement in their cases, usually never positive. He seemed like quite the nasty character, and not someone Bilbo wanted to cross.

 

"This doesn't look good," Bilbo mumbled. "And where did you find Kili?"

 

"I can take you," Fili shot to his feet. "Uncle had it sectioned off, nothing's been touched."

 

Bilbo blinked at that. Immensely helpful. He nodded and grabbed his bag, setting it on his shoulder.

 

"Excellent idea, Fili, lead the way."

 

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One terrifying elevator ride later (not helped by Bofur's comments on the instability of the cables and low odds of survival from such a height) Fili and Bilbo were in the back of a sleek car, Bofur and Bifur up front.

 

Erebor flew by outside the car and Bilbo didn't even try to keep up with it. He settled his laptop on his lap and double-checked the tracking on Kili's phone. Nothing still. Either his phone was off, or destroyed.

 

No news from Falco either, so they weren't using his credit cards. Which either meant they were left at the abduction scene, or they really didn't want to be found.

 

Bilbo rubbed his eyes tiredly and gazed out the window. The car was slowing down now, and Bilbo shut his laptop, grabbing his camera and notepad from his bag. He set the strap of the camera around his neck and stuck a pen behind his ear.

 

Time to get to work.

  
As soon as his door was opened he darted forward to the alley. Fili had assured him that no one had gone in there. Apparently Thorin had the sense to want to preserve the scene. Bilbo began snapping photos straight away, ducking under the warning tape set up. The bag was laying to one side, papers strewn in a circle around. Bilbo frowned at that. He double checked the bag itself and found a calculator, a few USBs and a set of keys.

 

Growing more and more suspicious Bilbo double checked the items scattered around them. Papers, folders, a school jumper and scarf. Bilbo took photos of everything before jotting down rapid notes on his notepad.

 

"Found anything?" Fili asked in a distressed voice from behind the tape. Bilbo blinked up at him, startled. He had forgotten about him.

 

"Oh yes!" he said emphatically. "Quite a bit!"

 

"Really?" Fili perked up at that.

 

"Tell me, Fili, does Kili have his own laptop?" Bilbo asked. At Fili's nod he continued. "Music player?" another nod. "I thought so. They're missing."

 

"What does that mean?" Fili asked.

 

"I'm not sure yet," Bilbo shrugged. "But I have a few guesses."

 

"Then do share, that's what you're being paid for."

 

The new voice startled Bilbo. He looked up to find another man standing beside Fili, a shockingly familiar man. Familiar from nights Bilbo had spent pouring over his photograph.

 

Thorin Oakenshield had come down to meet the P.I he hired to find his nephew.

 

He was much more handsome in person. Long dark hair loose but for a few braids, beard clipped neat and blue eyes striking. He was broad shouldered and tall, towering over Bilbo, clearly trying to intimidate him.

 

Bilbo drew himself up to his full height and scowled at the man, who was scowling just as fiercely.

 

"What I have, Mister Oakenshield, are theories," he snapped as he returned to the tape and stepped under it. "And theories are not concrete. There are a dozen conclusions I can draw from this scenario, but until I have more information I'm unable to make any proper announcements! So if you will please have patience, I will bring you a possibility as soon as I have a plausible one!"

 

Bilbo could practically feel Fili's jaw drop open next to him. Behind Thorin Bofur was in stitches, clutching his sides. Bifur had a hand over his cousin's mouth, stifling his laughter.

 

"You are under my employ currently," Thorin snapped, stepping closer to intimidate Bilbo with his height. "And you will do as I say."

 

"You are a _client,_ " Bilbo retorted, having none of Thorin's intimidation tactics. "You are not my boss!"

 

"I am paying you!"

 

"That doesn't imply ownership!" Bilbo was getting quite fed up with Thorin Oakenshield. "When I find something you will be the _first_ to know, Mister Oakenshield! Until then, I have work to do, so if you'll _excuse me._ "

 

With that, Bilbo shoved past the man, stomping over to the car. Bofur opened the door for him, a look of wonder on his face.

 

Bilbo peered back out at Thorin, who was still glaring at him. Fili laid a hand on his uncle's arm and drew his attention away. They spoke in soft tones for a moment before Thorin placed a hand on Fili's shoulder and gently knocked their foreheads together. He slid a piece of paper to Fili before stalking off towards the car parked behind Bilbo's.

 

Bilbo scowled down at his camera, his face flushing. He had overreacted, he knew that. He couldn't help it. Something about Thorin had just... set him off. Bilbo had wanted to yell at the man to stop looking down his nose at him like that, to stop glaring at him.

 

Fili slid into the car next to him and Bilbo risked a glance at him. Fili was grinning back at him.

 

"Never seen someone put Uncle in his place so thoroughly," he laughed. "Even Ma has trouble telling him what to do, and she's a scary lady!"

 

"I'll need to speak to your mother," Bilbo mumbled, seeing as the subject had been brought up. "When would she be available."

 

"Oh she's available right now," Fili said with a twinkle in his eye. Bilbo perked up.

 

"Wonderful! Shall we-"

 

"Which is why Uncle is paying her a visit," Fili finished. Bilbo deflated back against the seat with a sigh.

 

"Very well then," he muttered. "Either the school or the archery club."

 

"School's closer," Fíli said. "Bifur! Erebor Central High."

 

The car took off and Bilbo began to flip through the pictures on the camera.

 

He had a lot of work to do.

 

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Erebor Central High was not like any high school Bilbo had ever seen before.

 

The main building, a massive four story grey block, was joined to several smaller buildings by ramps, bridges and corridors. There were _three_ gymnasiums, _four_ ovals, an Olympic sized swimming pool, tennis courts, quadrangles, a music hall, an auditorium and more.

 

It made Bilbo long for Hobbiton High, the only secondary school in the whole of the Shire, with its one building, one gym and one oval that was shared with the primary school next door.

 

After being checked in and given a visitor's badge Bilbo began to poke around the school. He didn't expect to find much here, but it was worth a look anyway. Fíli led him to Kíli's locker and fumbled with it for a moment before he vanished to find a janitor to get it open.

 

Bilbo rolled his eyes and pressed his ear to the metal, turning the combination slowly.

 

The lock was cheap, as were most high school lockers, so it popped open fairly quickly. Bilbo rubbed his hands together and set about poking through the items inside.

 

There wasn't much. A couple of text books, some work notes, and pencils. A small photograph at the back of the locker caught Bilbo's attention. It was small, worn around the edges and creased. Bilbo's eyebrows shot up as he looked at it and he quickly tucked it away into his pocket.

 

Fíli's jaw dropped when he returned to find Bilbo poking through Kíli's biology notes. The janitor gave Bilbo an unimpressed look before he vanished, muttering to himself about a waste of time.

 

"Nothing really here," Bilbo said as he set the book back in. "Is it worth talking to Kíli's classmates?"

 

"Uncle already did," Fíli said with a shrug. "He showed up and terrorized the school into giving an assembly, and then proceeded to shout at everyone for information. Six girls and a boy cried."

 

"And the teachers?"

 

"One of those too."

 

"No, I mean is it worth talking to the teachers?" Bilbo sighed. Fíli shrugged.

 

"Not really. Kíli left at the normal time he always does," Fíli said. "Whatever happened, it was off school grounds."

 

"Then I think we're done here," Bilbo said with a nod. "The archery range?"

 

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The archery range used by Erebor Central High was a block away from the school. It was the local one, a six story building with indoor ranges, including one on the roof.

 

None of the instructors had seen Kíli since his disappearance, and all were very worried about him. Fíli had hurried off to find Kíli's locker while Bilbo talked to a couple of his teammates.

 

"So nothing unusual?" Bilbo clarified. "Just nerves about the upcoming tournament?"

 

"Tournament or seeing his rival?" one of the girls snickered. "When you put Kíli and Legolas in a room together you could cut the tension with a knife."

 

"That bad, is it?" Bilbo asked with a raised eyebrow. One of the boys nodded.

 

"They're the best of their schools, hell the best of their cities," he shrugged. "Legolas even comes here once a week to practise against Kíli, and they both stay back hours after the rest of us leave."

 

Bilbo jotted that down. It seemed he really needed to get in contact with this Legolas.

 

"Nothing in his locker," Fíli said upon his return. "Just his practise gear."

 

"Back to the hotel then, I think," Bilbo said with a nod. "I need to go over everything."

 

They thanked the workers and left, sliding into the car. They were halfway back to the hotel when Bilbo's phone buzzed with a new message.

 

_F. Baggins: Hit on the second card. Large withdrawal from an ATM downtown in Erebor._

 

_B. Baggins: Can I get an address?_

"Change of plans, Fíli," Bilbo said as the next text came through. "Head to Diamond Way, the Erebor National Bank ATM there."

 

"One of Kíli's cards?" Fíli asked eagerly, even as Bifur spun the car around, sending Bilbo slamming into the young man. Without waiting for a response Fíli pulled out his phone and hit a couple of buttons. "Uncle, Bilbo says one of Kíli's credit cards is being used on Diamond Way."

 

Bilbo groaned and slumped against the window. Great, Thorin would be headed down there. Just what Bilbo needed.

 

Bifur drove like a maniac, speeding through the streets and reaching Diamond Way in record time. Dwalin was already there, pacing outside the bank the ATM was attached to.

 

They clambered out and Bilbo scanned the streets, looking for anyone suspicious. Thorin joined them moments later, Ori scrambling behind him. Thorin stomped straight up to Bilbo and thrust a black and white print-out of the ATM security camera at him.

 

The picture was of a light-haired boy, eyes cold as he stared down at the ATM machine. It was most definitely _not_ Kíli. 

 

"Who is this?" Bilbo asked as he looked up at Thorin.

 

"Isn't that _your_ job to find out?" the man snapped. Bilbo recoiled in shock.

 

"I say, I have half a mind to quit right now!" Bilbo said with a frown. "I don't deserve to be treated this way!"

 

"Uncle, please," Fíli intervened, stepping between the two. "Mr Baggins, let's head back to the hotel, yes?"

 

Bilbo folded the paper in half, muttering to himself about rude men. Thorin glared at him before turning his scowl onto Fíli.

 

"Mr Baggins?" Ori approached him cautiously. "The way the boy is wearing his hair, it's the popular style in Mirkwood at the moment."

 

"I feared as much," Bilbo sighed as he tucked the photo away. "I need to travel there then, tomorrow if possible."

 

"Oh dear," Ori looked around nervously. "We're not really welcome in Mirkwood..."

 

"I'll go alone then," Bilbo said with a shrug. Ori squeaked and shook his head vehemently.

 

"You can't do that!" he cried.

 

"Can't do what?" Thorin stomped over, catching the end of the conversation. "What is it Mr Baggins wishes to do?"

 

"Travel to Mirkwood," Bilbo announced. "Alone."

 

"Absolutely not," Thorin's eyebrows snapped down. "I won't allow it."

 

"Then you won't get your nephew back," Bilbo shrugged. "Mirkwood is the biggest lead I have."

 

Thorin moved in closer, towering over Bilbo. Bilbo glared up at him and bit down a small shiver that ran down his spine. Yes, he had always been attracted to men that were taller and stronger than him, and yes Bilbo did liked to be manhandled on occasion by his partner, but this was _not_ the time to think about that! Fíli cleared his throat behind Thorin and the man scowled.

 

"You cannot go alone, it is too dangerous," Thorin growled lowly. "Take an escort."

 

"I will not," Bilbo said with a huff. "I am a grown man capable of taking care of myself."

 

"You are a _stubborn-"_

Fíli cleared his throat again.

 

Thorin visibly grit his teeth and shot his nephew a glare.

 

"It would put my mind at ease," the man bit out. "If you would take at least four of my men with you."

 

Bilbo eyed him suspiciously.

 

"One."

 

"Three."

 

"Two, and I get to pick them."

 

Thorin looked like he wanted to argue but Bilbo met his eyes steadily. Thorin sighed heavily.

 

"Fine."

 

"Wonderful," Bilbo brushed past Thorin, trying not to dwell on how hard and firm his body was. "Ori, Fíli and I will see you tomorrow."

 

Bilbo slid into the car as Thorin exploded behind him.

 

" _Ori?!_ You cannot take Ori!"

 

"Uncle, calm down."

 

"I will not calm down! Dwalin! This is ridiculous!"

 

"No it's not, cause Ori's not goin'."

 

"I beg your pardon, Mister Dwalin, but I am."

 

"Over my dead body, lad."

 

"Uncle, you're being unreasonable."

 

" _Unreasonable?_ I'm not sending you into Mirkwood without an escort!"

 

"An escort would draw even _more_ attention though."

 

"Exactly! Thank you, Ori!"

 

"This is stupid, Thorin, why are we even discussin- Ori! Get away from that car!"

 

"You're not Dori, Mister Dwalin, I don't have to listen to you."

 

"Ori, I swear if you even think abou' gettin' in that ca- Ori!"

 

Bilbo sighed as Ori scrambled into the car next to him, followed by Fíli. Bifur hesitated for a moment before Bofur nudged him and then they were off.

 

Ori collapsed into a fit of giggles next to Bilbo, Fíli chuckling on the other side of him. Bilbo shook his head fondly as they made their way back to the hotel.

 

"I hope I don't get you in too much trouble," Bilbo said with a sigh. Fíli eyed him mischievously.

 

"I don't think there's anything you can do that will get us into 'too much trouble' with Uncle," he said cryptically. "Not anything that will be instantly forgiven once you bat those hazel eyes at him."

 

Bilbo felt his face flush at the implications of Fíli's words.

 

"My eyes are brown, not hazel," he grumbled. "And you're delusional."

 

"Oh!" Ori's giggles ceased instantly and he sat up straight, eyes wide. "Mister Dwalin is going to be _so_ mad at me."

 

"Let him worry," Fíli said, slinging an arm around Ori's shoulders. "You've been following him around like an obedient puppy for years. Let him see what it's like to miss you."

 

Ori flushed and dropped his head down and Bilbo raised his eyebrows at the action. Interesting.

 

"They'll be waiting at the hotel," Fíli sighed. "And Uncle'll start another argument."

 

"Then we won't go back to the hotel," Bilbo said with a shrug. "Bofur, head to the Shire."

 

"Aye, right away."

 

"The Shire, Mister Baggins?" Ori repeated. "But why?"

 

"Because we can stay at my flat," Bilbo said as he poked through his bag, pulling out his camera. "And then we're already halfway to Mirkwood."

 

"I've never been to the Shire," Fíli murmured on Ori's other side. Bilbo smiled as he began to flip through the photos.

 

"Then you're in for a treat."

 

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Samwise had been most embarrassed when Bilbo had burst in on him and Rosie Cotton, scrambling away from the pretty girl quickly. Bilbo had clucked his tongue disapprovingly and sent them both home, asking Samwise to return the next day.

 

Bilbo had retreated to his bedroom, leaving Fíli to sort out the other sleeping arrangements. He sunk down onto his bed with a heavy sigh, head falling forward into his hands. He took several deep calming breaths before he picked up his mobile and dialled the first speed dial.

 

" _Uncle?_ "

 

"Frodo, how are you?"

 

" _I'm well, Uncle. All settled in. How's the case going?_ "

 

"Interestingly. I'll be headed to Mirkwood tomorrow."

 

" _Oh my, Mirkwood. Do be careful, Uncle. Even I know that the Durin's aren't well loved over there._ "

 

"You just worry about keeping yourself safe in Gondor. I'll worry about me."

 

" _I have to worry about you, Uncle. You're all the family I have. I rea- Oh, shut it you, you know what I mean!_ "

 

"Excuse me, Frodo?"

 

" _Oh! Not you, Uncle! Strider._ "

 

"Yes, well, you tell him to keep you safe or I'll be after him."

 

" _If you say so, Uncle._ "

 

"I'll call you tomorrow when I return from Mirkwood. Good night, Frodo."

 

" _Good night, Uncle._ "

 

Bilbo set his phone down on the bedside table and rolled onto his back with a heavy sigh. His shoes had been kicked off in the entry hall and he managed to pull his belt from the loops before he flopped back onto the bed. His eyes slowly slid shut, and Bilbo was quite ready to give into the heavy lure of sleep.

 

Until his phone broke the silence.

  
Groaning, Bilbo rolled over and grabbed it, answering it quickly.

 

"Bilbo Baggins."

 

" _Where are you?_ "

 

"Whe- who is this?"

 

" _Who do you think?!_ "

 

"Mr. Oakenshield..."

 

" _Your location, Baggins._ "

 

"None of your business."

 

" _If you've driven to Mirkwood already..._ "

 

"Well, you'll never know unless you search every hotel in Mirkwood yourself. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm exhausted and would like to get some sleep."

 

" _You- You are the most insufferable, stubborn little man I have ever met!_ "

 

" _Little?!_ Who are you calling _little?!_ And stubborn? I do say that this is the pot calling the kettle black!"

 

" _And what is that supposed to mean?_ "

 

"I mean that you are the most rude, arrogant, pig-headed e-egotistical _g-git_ I have ever had to work with!"

 

" _You will tell me where you are this instant!_ "

 

"No!"

 

Bilbo childishly hung up the phone and flicked it to silent. It began to buzz almost instantly and Bilbo flipped it over until it was face down. He slid from the bed and changed his clothes quickly, dressing in a pair of soft pyjamas. He slid back into the bed and pulled the covers over himself with a heavy sigh. That done, he closed his eyes and settled down to sleep, trying to ignore the shivers that still ran through him at the memory of Thorin's deep voice in his ear.

 

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Bilbo awoke to a grumpy mood and three new text messages.

 

_T.Oakenshield: The silent treatment is ridiculous. Answer the phone._

_T. Oakenshield: Damn it, Baggins, you will not put yourself in any danger._

_T. Oakenshield: Be careful._

Bilbo's lips twitched into a smile without his permission at the last text and his grouchy mood evaporated. He hummed softly to himself as he straightened up his bed and dressed quickly.

 

Slipping out into the main room showed Bofur sprawled half on the couch, half on the floor. Bifur was stretched out on Bilbo's recliner, looking quite content. A quick tiptoe to Frodo's room showed Fíli and Ori curled up in the bed, Ori hoarding most of the covers while Fíli snored softly.

 

Bilbo made his way to Fíli's side and shook him gently to wake him. Fíli snuffled and grabbed Bilbo's shirt, pulling him down into a tight embrace.

 

"Fíli!" Bilbo hissed. "Let me go!"

 

"Shurr up, Kíli," Fíli slurred, still asleep. "Mm warm..."

 

"Fíli!"

 

Fíli jerked awake and blinked down at Bilbo sleepily.

 

"Bilbo? What...?"

 

"Let me _go!_ "

 

"Oh!"  Fíli released Bilbo and sat up, causing Ori to stir sleepily. "Sorry, Mr Baggins."

 

"Bilbo is fine," Bilbo grumbled as he stood again. "Come on, we need to get moving."

 

Fíli nodded and set about jabbing Ori in the ribs until the young man was crawling from the bed himself, rubbing sleepily at an eye.

 

Bilbo left them to it and returned to the living room to find both Bofur and Bifur awake. Both men were righting the living room before Bofur caught sight of Bilbo and flashed him a bright smile.

 

"All ready then, Bilbo?" he asked with a roguish wink. Bilbo flushed and nodded, looking down at his feet. It hadn't slipped his notice that Bofur was quite handsome and _extremely_ charming.

 

"Just waiting on the lads," Bilbo said as he made his way towards the kitchen. "Time for a cup of tea?"

 

"'Fraid not," Bofur sighed as he followed, leaning against the wall, arm above his head. He grinned down at Bilbo. "Thorin mightn' be the sharpest chap out there, and lord knows his sense of direction is shocking, but he'll wind up here eventually. If you wanna remain undetected we'd best head to Mirkwood straight away and hit a drive-thru on the way through."

 

"Oh dear," Bilbo nodded with a frown. "Gather the lads and I'll join you in a second."

 

Bofur hurried off to comply and Bilbo returned to his bedroom. He gathered his things together and grabbed his phone, staring down at the screen. He hesitated a second before he fired off a quick text and stuffed the phone into his pocket.

 

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_T. Oakenshield: Be careful._

_B. Baggins: Really, Mr. Oakenshield, one might think you care about my welfare._

_T. Oakenshield: More than you know, Baggins._

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Annoyingly, Ori and Fíli dropped straight back to sleep as soon as they hopped in the car, each leaning heavily on Bilbo, who was trapped in the middle of the backseat. Bofur had laughed softly at this and asked Bifur to pull into the nearest drive-thru coffee hut. Bilbo soon had his hands wrapped around a hot cup of tea while Fíli and Ori were inhaling their espressos at an unhealthy rate.

 

Bofur had handed Bilbo back a brownie with a soft smile and a slight wink, telling him that he thought Bilbo might enjoy it, as he seemed to have a sweettooth from what Bofur had observed.

 

If looks could kill, Fíli would be wanted for murder from the glare he was levelling Bofur with.

 

The drive to Mirkwood was mostly silent. Bofur would occasionally whistle along with the radio, and catch Bilbo's eye in the mirror in the sun visor. He would smile or wink and Bilbo would look back down at his camera, a blush on his face.

 

Soon enough Mirkwood was closing around them. Where Erebor's buildings were typically golds and silvers, Mirkwood's architecture favoured greens and browns heavily. The city closed in quickly, and Bilbo could feel his heart rate speeding up.

 

Bifur pulled over beside a tram stop. Bofur leapt from the car and held the door open. Ori scrambled out first, and Bilbo slid out after him. Fíli hurried over to the tram timetable, quickly looking up the schedule. Ori joined him, a sketchbook in his hand.

 

Bilbo took a step towards them and was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He was spun to face Bofur, who gripped both of his shoulders and stared him in the eyes.

 

"I know you can take care of yourself," Bofur said with no trace of his usual amusement. "But please, be cautious, Bilbo. I'd hate to see anything happen to you."

 

"I-I will," Bilbo stuttered as he gazed up at Bofur. "Thank you..."

 

Bofur looked like he wanted to say something else but Bifur let out a growl across the car. They both turned to look at him and he made a series of hand gestures at Bofur. Bofur's face collapsed in sadness and he stepped away from Bilbo, hands dropping to his sides.

 

"Good luck, Bilbo," he murmured before he returned to the car, shoulders set squarely.

 

Bilbo turned to Fíli and Ori in confusion, only to see Fíli looking unbearably smug as he lowered his phone from where he had it outstretched in his hand. Bilbo stared at it for a long moment.

 

"Did you just take a picture of me?" he demanded as he strode onto the platform. The car shot past them, Ori waving after it.

 

"Of course not," Fíli said dismissively. "We can grab the next tram from here to the city centre. From there it's another quick ride to the school Legolas attends."

 

"Why trams?" Bilbo asked as he shuffled, pulling his coat in closer around him to ward off the biting wind. "Why not a cab?"

 

"Quicker this way," Fíli shrugged. "The trams go everywhere and they have right of way in the traffic. Easiest way to get around, especially on a Monday morning. Traffic is horrendous."

 

"I see," Bilbo tilted his head to the side, staring at the young man. "Interesting..."

 

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_F. Durin: Uncle, you better step up your game, before you lose it. Download IMG296.jpg_

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Thorin Oakenshield never panicked.

 

He was known for his calm manner and cold methods. He was ruthless, determined and knew how to get exactly what he wanted.

 

But Bilbo Baggins confused him beyond belief.

 

When Thorin had set eyes on the little man he had hired to find his nephew he had been unsurprised at the flicker of heat and lust that had risen up inside him. Baggins was exactly his type; short, _so damn short,_ curly honey coloured hair, bright brown eyes and a cheerful demeanour.

 

And then he had opened his damn mouth and Thorin had never wanted to strangle someone as much as he had Baggins.

 

Thorin had watched the little P.I flutter around the crime scene and had pictured their first conversation easily in his mind. Baggins would notice him and blush prettily, gazing up at him in awe. Thorin would play it cool, and ask what Baggins had found. Baggins would trip over himself to explain his findings, eager for any response he could gain from Thorin. Thorin would process what Baggins had told him before ignoring him in favour of Fíli or Dwalin. Baggins would follow like a puppy, still staring up at him with those damn large eyes. Thorin would casually request his presence at dinner, and in less than four hours be blissfully buried inside that sweet body.

 

Instead, Baggins had basically told him to shove off. He had stood up as tall as he could and told Thorin that he would have to wait until Baggins could draw a conclusion they could both use. He had then stalked off, leaving Thorin shocked at the turn of events.

 

If anything, it had made Thorin want him even more.

 

Then the bank. Baggins standing up to him again, _negotiating_ with him. Thorin had been half-hard by the time the conversation was over. He was lucky Fíli had intervened when he had, heatedly whispering that if Thorin didn't play nice with the P.I he would lose any chance he had with him. Thorin hated how transparent he was to his nephew, but he had understood. Baggins was different to what he was used to.

 

Thorin had always gone for men and women that would hang off of him, ones that were completely in awe of him. He knew he enjoyed the powertrip, enjoyed the way they looked up at him. That was his 'type' and he stuck to it.

 

But none of his past conquests had even come close to arousing him the way Baggins did. It made Thorin rethink everything. Maybe he didn't want someone who would bend over backwards to please him. Maybe he wanted someone who would fight him for dominance, someone who would stand up to him.

 

In public, at least. Thorin had no doubt that the second he took Baggins to bed he could make the little man sing like a bird. He could see it already, his hands racing over pale skin, spreading soft thighs and pinning small wrists to the mattress...

 

Thorin's phone sounded in his hand, tearing his thoughts from the gutter.

 

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_F. Durin: Uncle, you better step up your game, before you lose it. Download IMG296.jpg_

_T. Oakenshield: If Bofur lays a hand on him again I'll cut one off._

_F. Durin: No you won't, you like him too much. Bifur told him off anyway, told him not to touch that which belongs to another. But I saw the way Bilbo was looking at him, Uncle. I'll hurry us up here as quick as I can._

_T. Oakenshield: Good lad._

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Bilbo had been to Mirkwood once before, long ago. He had been chasing a bail jumper down, so he had very little time to take in the sights.

 

Fíli was right. The tram was the most efficient way to get around. They rumbled along the streets, ringing their bells to get the cars ahead to move. Once they were in the city centre with its high buildings and sprawling shops it had been a simple matter of jumping onto next tram.

 

Legolas's school was in the city centre. A huge, dark brown building, it had all of its facilities inside, including an oval on the roof. The tour guide who had shown them around (Bilbo posing as an interested father looking for a school for his son Fíli to transfer to for his final year) had boasted loudly about the place. Bilbo had to only briefly mention the archery team and he found himself whisked over to the range, the tour guide blabbering on about their team.

 

The guide had been lured away by Ori once they entered the range, the young man posing as Bilbo's personal assistant. He had a list of questions to ask the guide that would keep him occupied.

  
They had timed their visit perfectly. Lunch was in swing, and the range was empty, but for one student. He stood behind the glass safety barrier in the range, perfectly balanced and shooting arrow after arrow into the target down the end of the range. Bilbo blinked in surprise as the boy made a perfect star out of his arrows on the target.

 

"That's Legolas," Fíli whispered softly. Bilbo nodded, looking the lad over again.

 

He was tall, with pale blond hair pulled back in the Mirkwood style. When he turned to select his next arrow he paused, staring up at them with silver eyes. His eyes slid from Bilbo to Fíli, and then he smiled, a cruel twitch of the lips. He set his bow aside carefully before striding to the door out of the range, joining them in the spectator box.

 

"Fíli Durin, as I live and breathe," Legolas drawled as he approached. "Not an inconspicuous spy, if I do say so. I supposed I should stop being shocked at your brother's stupidity by now, though."

 

Bilbo grabbed Fíli's arm before the boy could move forward. Fíli snarled low in his throat and glared down at Bilbo.

 

"Fíli, outside please," Bilbo ordered softly. "Now."

 

Fíli gave Legolas one last glare before he tugged his arm free of Bilbo's and stalked out. Bilbo watched him go before looking back up at Legolas.

 

"Do you know who I am?" he asked. Legolas tilted his head to the side and looked Bilbo up and down.

 

"No, I don't," he said, sounding amused. "And who might you be then?"

 

"Bilbo Baggins, Private Investigator," Bilbo said, holding his hand out for Legolas to shake, which he did curiously. "I've been hired by the Durin family to find Kíli. He's missing."

 

"Is he now?" Legolas said easily as he reached for the water bottle on the nearby table. "Didn't peg him for one to run before a competition."

 

"No, no one did," Bilbo said, his eyes watching Legolas like a hawk. "You practise together in Erebor once a week. Did he act strange the last time you saw him?"

 

"We don't practise _together,_ " Legolas said as he sat down on one of the long benches, his long legs stretching in front of him. "We are simply on the same range at the same time."

 

"For hours after others have left, I've been told," Bilbo said as he sat down across from Legolas. "And you don't talk during this time?"

 

"We've found it easier to suffer in silence," Legolas said, twirling the bottle in his hands. "So the littlest Durin ran away, huh? Shame, he is my only real competition. I do enjoy trouncing him."

 

"I've heard it's the other way, usually," Bilbo said, looking up through his lashes at Legolas. "I heard that he is usually the victor more often than not."

 

Legolas smiled at that, leaning his head back against the glass behind him. He stared at Bilbo for a long moment before he sighed and sat up straight.

 

"What do you want, Mr Baggins?" he asked bluntly. "My lunch break is only an hour long, and I would like to get back out on the range."

 

"Did you organize for something to happen to Kíli so you can win the next competition?" Bilbo asked, equally as blunt. "Your father has the power and influence to get away with it."

 

"No, I didn't," Legolas rose, stretching slightly. "Believe it or not, I enjoy shooting against Kíli. He keeps things interesting, and keeps me in top form. I wouldn't get rid of my only competition and greatest motivator."

 

"And your father wouldn't act for you?" Bilbo asked, also standing. "He wouldn't arrange for Kíli to vanish so that you could be guaranteed a win?"

 

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Legolas shot back. Bilbo smiled.

 

"I don't think the mayor of Mirkwood has time to waste on a P.I. like me," Bilbo said simply, picking up his bag.

 

"He can make time, since it's _so_ important," Legolas said, his smile turning dark. He stepped close to Bilbo and grabbed the notepad and pen out of his hands. He scrawled a quick note across the front page before handing them back. "There you go. Show that to his secretary and he'll see you within the hour. Now, if you'll excuse me, Mr Baggins."

 

Bilbo let him go, watching cautiously as he made his way back out onto the range. The boy picked up his bow and gave it a quick going over before he selected his next arrow. He lifted the bow, his body perfectly arched as he stared down the target before releasing.

 

The arrow hit the centre.

 

Bilbo stuffed his notepad back into his bag before he made his way to the door. He paused by the door, spotting a book  bag stuffed into one of the cubby holes of the bag rack beside it. He glanced back over his shoulder, seeing that Legolas was still facing away from him before he grabbed the bag. He fumbled around in it for a moment before his hands closed over a phone. He tugged it out and shoved the bag back into the cubby hole before he swiftly left the spectator box.

 

Bilbo slipped the phone into his own pocket as Fíli fell into step beside him.

 

"What did he say?" Fíli asked. "Has he seen Kíli?"

 

"He says he hasn't," Bilbo said as they made their way back to where they had left Ori and the guide. "But he didn't seem surprised to hear he has gone missing."

 

"Bastard," Fíli hissed. "He knows something."

 

"Regardless, we can't linger here," Bilbo said as Ori and the guide appeared around the corner, walking back into the range. "We have a meeting with the mayor to arrange."

 

Bilbo passed the gaping Fíli the note Legolas had written as Ori rejoined them. Bilbo smiled at Ori before he made his way to the stairs leading down to the bottom floor. He had been pleased that the guide had shown them up floor by floor, thus negating the need to use the elevator.

 

"Let's take the lift," Fíli insisted. "We're on the twentieth floor, for fucks sake."

 

 "You go ahead," Bilbo called over his shoulder. "I'd rather the stairs."

 

As the door swung closed behind him Bilbo could hear Ori telling Fíli of his suspicions of Bilbo's claustrophobia.

 

Bilbo sighed as he made his way down the stairs. Ori was close, but not quite right. Bilbo wasn't claustrophobic, he just couldn't stand elevators. People were not meant to climb into a small metal box suspended by metal wire and fly from floor to floor. Stairs were a perfectly acceptable substitute.

 

Bilbo reached into his pocket and pulled out Legolas's phone, sliding his thumb across the lock screen to unlock it. His background was a target with two arrows in it, perfectly nestled side by side. Bilbo quickly opened up his text messages, scanning through the conversations quickly.

 

His father, a couple of schoolmates asking about classwork, a casual conversation with a family member... Bilbo paused over one name and opened the conversation, scanning it.

 

_H. Marchwarden: Pick up is done._

_L. Greenleaf: Thanks, Haldir, I owe you._

_H. Marchwarden: I'll drop it at the Homely House tonight._

_L. Greenleaf: Thank you. You had no problems with the card?_

_H. Marchwarden: None at all. I'll head back to Erebor tomorrow and use the others ones randomly. That should keep them busy._

_L. Greenleaf: Thank you again, my friend._

Bilbo exited the conversation with a frown. So that put a name to the boy at the ATM. Haldir Marchwarden. Bilbo opened up the call log but found it recently cleared. He scanned through the contacts list, but there was no helpful numbers. Legolas didn't even have Kíli's number.

 

One number caught his eye quickly. _Anchor Point._ Bilbo quickly sent the contact to his own phone, along with Haldir's, before deleting the message from Legolas's message box.

 

Bilbo reached the ground floor in quick time. He was used to stairs, so it didn't take him long. He ducked out into the main hall and crossed to the front desk. The young woman there smiled up at him.

 

"Your son and assistant are outside, sir," she said. "I hope you enjoyed the tour!"

 

"Very much so," Bilbo said with his own smile. He placed Legolas's phone up on the counter. "I found this on the stairwell though. Someone must have dropped it!"

 

"Oh, thank you!" the girl beamed at him. "Not many people would hand it in! Thank you, sir!"

 

Bilbo waved goodbye and made his way out the doors. Ori was seated on the front steps, sketching in his notebook. Fíli was pacing on the sidewalk impatiently.

 

"City hall?" he asked grimly. Bilbo nodded.

 

"City hall."

 

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_T. Oakenshield: We've arrived in Mirkwood. Where are you?_

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Thranduil Greenleaf was so very different to Thorin Oakenshield.

 

He was slender, where Thorin was broad. His skin was pale, his hair so blond it was almost white, his eyes were twin pools of mercury, sweeping over Bilbo from head to toe.

 

But he had the same sense of power. The same self-righteous air. The same commanding presence.

 

"I don't know where the littlest Durin is," he drawled in his soft, deceptively gentle voice as he leaned back on his desk chair. "And I am slightly offended you would assume I do, Mr Baggins."

 

Fíli shuffled next to him, clearly on edge. Bilbo glanced up at the boy who was standing beside his chair, a warning look. Fíli stopped fidgeting straight away, but he was still glaring across at Thranduil. Ori was seated on the chair beside Bilbo, closing in on himself, clearly trying to make himself as small as he could.

 

"You cannot be surprised that I would assume, your worship," Bilbo said as he tilted his head to the side. "Kíli is your son's greatest rival in archery, and he suddenly goes missing? Not to mention the Durin family aren't exactly on friendly terms with you."

 

Thranduil smiled darkly and looked from Fíli to Ori before his gaze settled on Bilbo again.

 

"Send your guard dogs away, Mr Baggins," he said softly. "And we will speak freely."

 

"No," Fíli answered straight away. "We're not going anywhere."

 

"Then this meeting is over," Thranduil said with a shrug. He stood, gesturing to the door. "I'm a very busy man, gentlemen."

 

Bilbo stood and nodded to Thranduil before turning to Fíli.

 

"Come on, let's go," he said. Fíli nodded sharply and stomped to the door, Ori following. Bilbo followed behind Ori, and the second both were out of the office he closed the door, locking it quickly.

 

Fíli began to pound on the heavy wood straight away, his shouts muffled through the thick wall. Bilbo turned back to Thranduil to find him smiling as he sat back down, gesturing to the seat Bilbo had just vacated. Bilbo sunk back into it and Thranduil reached into his top drawer. He pulled out two tumblers and a bottle of scotch. He poured a finger into each and slid one across to Bilbo.

 

"Thank you," Bilbo sighed as he downed in it one. It was _very_ good, and probably expensive. " _Do_ you know anything of Kíli's whereabouts?"

 

"Honestly, Mr Baggins, no," Thranduil said, shaking his head as he refilled Bilbo's tumbler, splashing a considerable amount more than a finger in there. "That boy has been the bane of Legolas's existence since they first met. Legolas would come home ranting about the Durin boy, furious. But eventually the hatred wore on, into grudging respect. Legolas strives to beat Kíli, and I would not take that from him."

 

"Do you know who would take him?" Bilbo asked. "Does the Durin family have any more enemies?"

 

"The Durin family has more enemies than you have time for," Thranduil laughed. "But I can narrow it down. You want to find Azog, the Defiler."

 

"Azog?" Bilbo repeated, scrawling the name down on his notepad. "Who is he?"

 

"A hired killer," Thranduil shrugged. "He has a whole gang. They operate out of a base that is in neither Mirkwood or Erebor. He has more cause than any to hate Thorin Oakenshield."

 

"Why is that?" Bilbo asked, his pen poised above the paper. Thranduil smirked darkly before tossing back the remainder of his drink.

 

"Azog used to be based in Erebor," Thranduil explained. "But Thorin ran him out of town. Thorin would rather use a different gang, The Eagles, for such things, rather than Azog's Orcs. Azog knows he is not welcome in Mirkwood, so he had to relocated somewhere else entirely."

 

"I see," Bilbo looked up from his notes. "And he holds the grudge?"

 

"He always has," Thranduil said. "And always will."

 

"Thank you," Bilbo murmured as he closed the notepad. "One more question, a bit off topic. What is The Homely House?"

 

Thranduil frowned, tilting his head to the side.

 

"The Homely House?" he repeated. "Do you mean the Last Homely House? It is an archery academy that I send Legolas to during the summer. Why?"

 

"Your son mentioned it in passing," Bilbo lied smoothly. "Mentioned training there. I wasn't sure if it was a gym within the city or not."

 

"No, the Last Homely House is in Imladris," Thranduil said. "Run by Elrond Peredhil, the former gold medallist."

 

"I see, so nothing important," Bilbo said with a nod. "Thank you."

 

"My pleasure, Mr Baggins," Thranduil stood to show him out. "I hope you locate the boy soon. I am looking forward to Legolas thrashing him in the upcoming tournament."

 

Bilbo chuckled and shook the man's hand before crossing to the door and unlocking it. He opened it and smiled up at Fíli who was glaring back at him.

 

"Let's go, Fíli, we're done here."

 

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_T. Oakenshield: We've arrived in Mirkwood. Where are you?_

_F. Durin: City Hall. Hurry, Uncle. Bilbo's alone with Greenleaf Senior._


	3. Chapter 3

Bilbo blinked as he stepped out into the bright sunlight, ignoring Fíli's irritable complaints in his ear. Ori was wringing his hands nervously as he paced along the sidewalk. As soon as he saw Bilbo he rushed forward.

 

"I didn't call them, I swear!" he squeaked. Bilbo stared at him puzzled, until he looked up beyond Ori.

 

There were three cars parked in the no-parking zone. Bofur shuffled awkwardly in front of the first one, Bifur beside him leaning casually on the car. A third man stood with them, large and round with a head of ginger hair that grew around his head, but skirted the very top.

 

The very last car was being used as a perch by four men. One was seated on the hood of the car, his hair ridiculously large and shaped into three points, like a star. His hair was of a similar shade to Ori's. Next to him was a man with silver hair pulled back into a braided bun, who looked a _lot_ like Ori, but older. The other two men stood side by side, menacing looking. One had silver hair and a great bushy beard, while the other had ginger hair swept back from his face and a much neater beard.

 

The middle car, of course, had Balin leaning against it, speaking on his phone. Dwalin was beside him, eyes following Ori as the boy paced back and forth nervously. And right in the centre, face a thundercloud, was Thorin Oakenshield.

 

"No, _I_ called them," Fíli said grumpily. Bilbo whirled to him and glared. "What? You vanished alone with Greenleaf, what was I supposed to do?"

 

"Let's go," Thorin snapped. "Move out!"

 

Ori darted off to the back car where the silverhaired man grabbed him around the shoulders and pulled him into a hug.

 

"That's Dori," Fíli explained. "He and Nori, the one with the fucking stupid hair, are Ori's older brothers. The two with them are Óin and Glóin. The one down there with Bofur and Bifur is Bofur's brother, Bombur."

 

Fíli made his way past his Uncle, pausing briefly to whisper something in his ear before he made his way down to Bofur's car, sliding in the back. Bilbo made to follow him but Thorin caught his arm as he passed.

 

"You ride with us, Baggins," he grunted. Bilbo opened his mouth to argue, but one look at Thorin's stormy eyes proved that this would be a fruitless argument. Besides, the other cars were already pulling out.

 

Bilbo slid into the back of the car, Thorin following close behind him. Dwalin took the driver's seat while Balin settled into the passenger side.

 

"What were you thinking?" Thorin growled as soon as the car pulled out into traffic behind Bifur's. "Greenleaf has a known grudge against the Durin family and you're locking yourself in a room with him? What is the matter with you?"

 

"I needed answers," Bilbo snapped. "And he wasn't going to give them to me if Fíli was there."

 

"And did you get answers?" Thorin demanded. "Did Greenleaf simply spill the details of his evil plan just because you were alone?"

 

" _Thranduil_ says he didn't have anything to do with Kíli's disappearance," Bilbo said, stressing the Mayor's name. "And I'm inclined to agree with him."

 

"Because you two are such good friends now?" Thorin snapped.

 

"You're such an ass," Bilbo muttered, unable to stop himself. Thorin blinked at him before scowling.

 

"And you are insufferable," Thorin growled back.

 

"Jerk."

 

"Moron."

 

"Git."

 

"Midget."

 

"Hey, now that's too far-"

 

"Children," Balin chimed from up the front. "Please keep the flirting in check until you're alone."

 

Bilbo felt his face inflame and he stared out the window. Thorin seemed to have been struck silent as well, as no more complaints or retorts came from him until they were out of the city and on their way to the Shire.

 

 "What next?" Thorin grunted, his eyes out the window. Bilbo sighed and looked down at his notebook.

 

"Back to the hotel," he murmured. "I need to go over the information I have."

 

"Do you have anything yet?" Thorin asked, turning to look at him. Bilbo wanted to tell him to be patient, you couldn't rush these things, but the look in Thorin's eyes stopped him. This wasn't just a man demanding answers, this was a man who wanted to find his missing nephew. Bilbo thought of how he would react if Frodo went missing and he sighed softly.

 

"Thranduil might not know anything but Legolas is hiding something," Bilbo offered up. "He says he doesn't want Kíli to miss the upcoming tournament, but he could be lying."

 

"Thank you," Thorin murmured, sinking back against the seat and closing his eyes. "I hope Legolas _is_ the one who knows where Kíli is. I would rather it be an innocent school rivalry than something worse."

 

The man looked so worn out in that moment, so tired, that Bilbo couldn't resist reaching over and taking his hand, staring up at him. Thorin opened his eyes, startled.

 

"I will find him, Mr Oakenshield," he said. "I promise it."

 

"I think, given the circumstances," Thorin murmured, staring down at their joined hands. "You should call me Thorin."

 

"Thorin," Bilbo repeated softly. "And you can call me Bilbo."

 

"Bilbo," Thorin said with a nod. Bilbo smiled shyly up at him.

 

"I admire how strong you are about all this," he confessed. "If something happened to my nephew I don't think I'd be able to think straight, let alone hold it together like you are."

 

"I hope you never have to go through this," Thorin said, closing his eyes again and leaning back against the seat. "I can barely sleep at night."

 

Bilbo said nothing, but hummed and stroked Thorin's hand softly until the man was dozing against the seat. He glanced up the front, but Dwalin was staring straight ahead while Balin busied himself with his phone.

 

Bilbo let the man hold his hand in his sleep all the way through the Shire and back to Erebor. As the car pulled into the underground carpark of the hotel Bilbo gently extracted his hand from Thorin's. Thorin woke instantly, blinking around in shock before he groaned, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

"Are we back?" he grunted. Bilbo nodded. "Good."

 

Bilbo slipped from the car and stretched. The other two cars were in the carpark as well, men piling out. Ori scrambled over to Bilbo's side as soon as he was out the car, smiling hopefully down at him.

 

"Mister Bilbo," he began. "I was wondering if-"

 

Before he could finish Dwalin materialized behind him and grabbed him by the back of his coat, dragging him angrily away. As soon as they were out of earshot Dwalin began to speak in low tones to Ori who was staring at his feet, his face slowly turning red. Dori and Nori watched the whole exchange with satisfied looks on their face, clearly happy that Dwalin was taking Ori back in hand.

 

Bilbo spotted Bofur and Bombur talking in low tones and made to head over their way, but Thorin caught his arm before he could. Bilbo stared up at the man who was watching the brothers with narrowed eyes.

 

"Wait," he grunted. When Bilbo frowned up at him Thorin released his arm with a sigh. "Please."

 

The word halted Bilbo and his gaze turned from annoyed to curious. He stayed by Thorin's side, much to the man's obvious pleasure. Fíli joined them shortly.

 

"Back to the room, Uncle?" he asked. Thorin nodded and moved forward, leading the ways to the elevators.

 

Bilbo ducked to the side where the door to the stairs was.

 

"I'm going to take-"

 

"The stairs," Fíli cut him off with a grin. "Yes, yes. See you up there."

 

Bilbo scowled and yanked the door to the stairs open. He began to stomp up them irritably, and made it to the next floor by the time he realized he wasn't alone. He turned to see the owner of the second set of footsteps and blinked in response to Thorin's quirked eyebrow.

 

"What- what are you-" Bilbo floundered for the right word. "It's twenty-three floors!"

 

"Twenty-five, actually," Thorin said as he passed by Bilbo. "We're two floors underground."

 

"So take the elevator!" Bilbo grumbled as he hurried to catch up with Thorin.

 

"Only if you ride it with me," Thorin shot back. Bilbo shuddered and kept climbing. "Thought so."

 

They climbed mostly in silence, occasionally one would ask the other a question, usually small things, family, hobbies and such. Bilbo found out that Thorin collected ornamental swords. Thorin found out that Bilbo loved to read and wrote his own short stories.

 

By the time they reached the fifteenth floor Bilbo needed to stop. He could feel a cramp building in his side, despite the leisurely pace they had taken. He sat down on a step and Thorin dropped next to him without a word. Bilbo pulled his bottle of water from his bag and took a long drink before passing it to Thorin without a word. While Thorin drank Bilbo checked his phone for messages, finding none, unsurprisingly.

 

"What made you hate them?" Thorin asked suddenly as he handed back the bottle. "Elevators, that is."

 

"Nothing in particular," Bilbo shrugged as he tucked the bottle away. "No great big traumatic event. I just don't trust them."

 

"Hm," Thorin peered down at him until Bilbo was squirming under the gaze. "Understandable."

 

Bilbo pulled himself to his feet using the handrail and rolled his shoulders, ready to tackle the last eight flights. Before he could take a step Thorin reached over and took the bag off of his shoulder, slinging it over his own wordlessly. Bilbo opened his mouth to protest, but Thorin simply levelled him with a look. Bilbo smiled and shook his head.

 

"Thank you," he murmured as they made their way up the stairs. He wasn't sure when he and Thorin had stopped ripping each other's heads off every time they spoke, but he was glad that it happened.

 

They reached the twenty-third floor and made their way through the corridor to their room. Thorin slid the bag off of his shoulder and handed it back to Bilbo, who smiled as he took it. Thorin looked as though he wanted to speak again, but he rapped on the door instead.

 

It was swung open by Glóin who stepped aside as soon as he saw them. Bilbo sighed as he spotted the various men sprawled out over their hotel room. Glóin quickly returned to the couch where he sat beside Balin. Óin and Dori were with them, arguing over something from the looks of it.

 

Nori and Bofur were raiding the minibar together while Bifur shook his head, clearly disapproving. Bombur was scarfing down the snacks provided in the room while Fíli bounced impatiently around.

 

Dwalin was seated on a lone chair by the window, looking like he was _sulking_ of all things. Ori was conspicuously missing, but Bilbo could see the bathroom in Bofur and Bifur's room was in use.

 

Thorin swept over to join Balin and Bilbo slipped off to his bedroom. He tossed his bag on the bed and sat down with a heavy sigh, rubbing his eyes. He was exhausted, and all he wanted was to start to brainstorm his ideas and then catch a couple of hours sleep.

 

Ori crept into the room shortly after, his usually cheerful demeanour long gone, replaced by a miserable look.

 

"Mr Baggins?" he sat next to Bilbo cautiously. "Are you alright?"

 

"Fine, Ori," Bilbo sighed. "Are you?"

 

"Mister Dwalin is mad at me," Ori mumbled as he started to pick at his wool gloves. "He did not want me going to Mirkwood. I told him I was old enough to make my own decisions and he's not my father. He hasn't spoken to me since."

 

"Let him sulk," Bilbo declared as he wrapped an arm around Ori's shoulders. "You were a great help today, Ori. Thank you."

 

"Really, Bilbo?" he asked with a wide smile. "It was fun."

 

"I'm glad," Bilbo said as he rose, cracking his back. "Now, I'd like to go over everything, so if you'll excuse me..?"

 

"Oh! Of course!" Ori hurried from the room, almost tripping on the way out. Bilbo stood in the doorway for a moment, taking everything in, before he closed the door, cutting off his rather nice view of Thorin Oakenshield.

 

Bilbo sighed heavily and leant his head against the door for a moment before he straightened with a nod. This was _not_ the time to be ogling his client. Bilbo crossed to his bed and grabbed his laptop. He threw his pillows down onto the floor and settled onto them, using the bed as his desk. He opened the laptop and pulled out his notes, spreading them around.

 

Then he set to work.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

It was three hours later when he emerged from the room. Most of the men were gone, Bifur, Fíli and Ori remaining, along with Thorin, who was seated with his nephew. A quick glance around showed that Dwalin was still in the chair, pointedly _not_ looking at Ori.

 

Thorin raised an eyebrow at him when he came out and Bilbo flushed, running a hand through his hair. He was exhausted.

 

"Food," he mumbled. Thorin nodded and rose, patting Fíli's shoulder. Bilbo blushed and crossed to the door, aware that he was being followed.

 

Bilbo stepped out into the hall and was shocked to see that only Thorin was joining him. Thorin didn't comment on it, but simply walked with Bilbo to the end of the hall. Bilbo eyed the door to the staircase warily. He was exhausted, and he didn't want to ride the elevator, but really... they were on the twenty-third floor.

 

"Bilbo?"

 

Thorin was looking at him curiously, already stepping towards the stairs. Bilbo sighed heavily and shook his head.

 

"I'm too tired," he mumbled. He took a deep breath and looked at the lift. "I-I'll... deal."

 

Thorin looked at him for a long moment before he nodded and pressed the button for the elevator. Bilbo eyed the doors warily as the numbers climbed until they were sliding open. He shuffled inside slowly, swallowing hard when the doors closed.

 

Bilbo closed his eyes and took deep breaths as the box moved down. Thorin was humming softly next to him, and the sound was a welcome distraction. When the doors chimed to announce their arrival at the lobby Bilbo shot through them as soon as they slid open.

 

Thorin led him out onto the street and down a nearby road, lined with restaurants. Bilbo stared around with wide eyes until Thorin nudged him and told him to pick one, it was on him.

 

Bilbo was sure he regretted those words later when he saw just how much the smaller man could eat. Bilbo had settled on a Japanese restaurant that had served up a full banquet for the two, dish after dish of delicious meals. Bilbo had eaten all of his and then whatever Thorin couldn't finish.

 

They kept the conversation light, mainly on their respective nephews. Bilbo was happy to waffle on about Frodo for as long as he could, and Thorin seemed equally as eager to talk about his boys, sake flowing freely between them.

 

Bilbo was sure Thorin was going to have to roll him out of the restaurant and back to the hotel, yet when his eyes fell on a nearby ice cream parlour he knew he had room for more. Dragging an amused Thorin over, Bilbo proceeded to stare down the various flavours of ice cream before settling on a decedent chocolate.

 

Bilbo hummed happily as he licked away at the cone. Thorin was silent all the way back to the hotel, and Bilbo wasn't sure if he had upset him or not. His ice cream was gone by the time they returned to the elevator and Bilbo shuddered as the doors closed on him, the slight alcoholic buzz he was feeling not enough to kill his fears entirely.

 

They climbed several floors, Bilbo shuffling awkwardly. He gazed up at Thorin, who turned to look down at him. Thorin stared at him for several seconds before he smiled and shook his head fondly.

 

"You have..." he gestured to his own face vaguely. "Ice cream..."

 

Bilbo wiped his face quickly before looking up at Thorin quizzically. Thorin chuckled and brought his own thumb up to his mouth. A quick flash of a tongue (and Bilbo wasn't going to dwell too long on _that_ thank you very much) and then Thorin was rubbing his face softly, wiping away the ice cream that lingered.

 

Bilbo closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, his face hot and dizzy all at once, and not just from the sake. The thumb stroking his cheek was rough and calloused, and it sent shivers down Bilbo's spine.

 

The doors chimed loudly and Bilbo startled, pulling back from the thumb. He scurried from the elevator and down the hall to the room, pointedly not looking back at Thorin.

 

Ori opened the door after two rapid knocks and Bilbo ducked into the room. He crossed back to his bedroom with a mumbled excuse and slipped back in, collapsing against the door behind him.

 

Bilbo brought a trembling hand up to brush over the corner of his mouth, right where Thorin's thumb had brushed. God, how Bilbo had been tempted to turn his head and capture that thumb between his lips, sucking at it and gazing up at Thorin as he did so.

 

Bilbo shook his head. He had long grown out of that phase! He was too old to run around having casual flings. And especially not with clients!

 

Shaking his head Bilbo returned to the bed, poking through his findings half-heartedly. He had drawn two major conclusions. Both required travel, preferably alone for once. It was hard to do good investigator work when you had an entourage.

 

Bilbo either needed to find The Last Homely House Archery Academy, or Azog the Defiler. Bilbo would much rather seek out the archery academy, and if his hunch was correct, it would be a lot more fruitful. He would rather avoid the vicious hit man at all costs.

 

A sharp knock sounded at the door and Bilbo hurried over to answer it. Fíli stared at him, face pinched and drawn.

 

"What is it?" Bilbo asked, looking beyond the lad. Thorin had his coat on and was talking lowly to Bifur, who nodded every so often. "What's going on?"

 

"Uncle's needed elsewhere," Fíli said, looking over at the man again. "I have to leave. I have to go to Uncle's house for the night."

 

"Is everything alright?" Bilbo asked, looking around nervously. Dwalin was on edge, pacing back and forth, his eyes darting from Thorin to Ori. "Fíli?"

 

"An unwanted visitor has blown into town," Fíli explained tightly. "Uncle needs to send him on his way."

 

"Bilbo," Thorin crossed the room to them. "I must leave, Fíli will accompany me. Bifur will remain here. Don't leave the room until we say it's safe."

 

"And why not?" Bilbo bristled. He was _not_ a delicate flower that needed to be locked away. "What's going on?"

 

"Nothing you need deeply concern yourself with," Thorin growled. "Just stay here."

 

Thorin stomped away then, Fíli darting after him. Dwalin fell into step with Fíli, behind Thorin.

 

"Ori, what's going on?" Bilbo asked, crossing to the young lad. Ori bit his lip and looked over at Bilbo.

 

"Um, well," he glanced over at Dwalin and found the man staring at him. He blushed dark and returned his gaze to Bilbo. "I'll tell you later... privately."

 

He hurried off to Dwalin's side, shyly tucking himself in the man's shadow. Dwalin nodded sharply before fixing Bilbo with a dark glare. Bilbo returned it fully.

 

And then they were gone, leaving Bilbo alone with Bifur. With whom he could not communicate.

 

"Is Bofur coming back?" Bilbo asked cautiously. Bifur, seated upon a lounge chair before the television shook his head. "Oh dear... I guess I'll turn in then..."

 

Bifur grunted and nodded, seemingly as frustrated with the communication barrier as Bilbo was. Bilbo slipped into his room, flopped down on the bed and pulled out his phone. To his surprise a message was waiting for him.

 

_O. Durin: Azog the Defiler is in town. He and Thorin do not see eye to eye._

Bilbo sat bolt-upright. Azog. And Bilbo was alone in the room but for Bifur, who would probably pass out soon if the past couple of days were any indication.

 

_B. Baggins: Oh dear. Is Thorin going to cause a public scene?_

_O. Durin: Not tonight. He's going to wait and see what Azog does. Bofur is downtown keeping an eye on the club, just in case._

_B. Baggins: Not anywhere near me, I hope._

_O. Durin: Actually, the Warg Club is a few blocks away, but you'll be fine if you stay in the room. The Orcs are out and about, so it's not safe on the streets._

Bilbo sent a quick response before setting his phone aside and grabbing his laptop. A quick search for the Warg Club showed it was indeed only a few blocks from the hotel Bilbo was in.

 

Making a quick (and probably rash) decision, Bilbo grabbed his phone, wallet and coat. He hurried to the main room of the hotel and was pleased to see that Bifur had retired already. As soundlessly as possibly, Bilbo grabbed one of the key cards from the coffee table before slipping from the room.

 

His heart was pounding in his chest and Bilbo took the stairs two at a time. By the time he reached the ground floor his adrenaline was pumping and his fatigue was long gone. He hurried out onto the busy streets and took a moment to orientate himself before he headed off in the direction of the club.

 

The walk was quick, since he kept it brisk. On the way he noticed that the police were out in quite a force, especially the closer he drew to the club. The cause for this seemed to be the various men that lingered around, unsavoury looking and all wearing a leather jacket with a large white 'O' on the back. The Orcs. They harassed the people walking in groups of two or more until the cops stepped in.

Bilbo stopped abruptly when he realized he was at his destination. The large neon sign declaring 'Warg Club' flashed gaudily above him and he sighed, double checking his taser was safely tucked in his pocket, hidden in a glasses case. That done, he stepped inside.

 

The doorman stopped him and requested his ID. Bilbo handed it over and the man vanished out the back for a second before he returned, handing it back. He mumbled something about checking for fakes before waving Bilbo in. The Orcs were here in force, but most didn't seem to notice him as he slipped amongst them, headed for the bar. Bilbo hefted himself up onto a stool and looked around.

 

The Orcs were a rowdy bunch, smashing glasses and shooting pool. The waitresses seemed to bask in the attention - and tips - they received from the men, to Bilbo's surprise. He suppressed a grimace as one passed by and winked lavishly at him. His eyes drifted over the heads of the men until they fell to rest on a table upon a dais, the crowd giving it wide berth.

 

Seated behind the table was a huge, hulking man, with pale skin and a bald crown. Scars criss-crossed from his face up his head, and his cold blue eyes took in everything as he looked around. A single tumbler sat on the table before him, an amber liquid filling the insides.

 

Bilbo knew. _This_ was Azog.

 

The man's eyes drifted along until they caught Bilbo's. Bilbo quickly ducked his gaze, annoyed at himself for being caught. He stared at the bar before him and quickly ordered a rum and coke, at least he could do something with his hands.

 

Bilbo sipped his drink with a sigh. A large body settled next to him, leaning on the bar. Bilbo looked up to find one of the Orcs grinning down at him. The man didn't say anything, just slid a piece of paper towards him.

 

Bilbo picked up the paper as the man left, flipping it over. A note was written there, in neat cursive writing.

 

_Come join me for a chat._

It wasn't signed. It didn't need to be.

 

Bilbo downed the rest of his drink and rolled his shoulders before hopping off the stool. He slowly approached the dais, aware that his every move was being watched from all around.

 

Azog kicked a chair out for him and Bilbo sunk into it with a nod. A waitress appeared behind Bilbo, setting down another rum and coke before him. Like hell Bilbo was drinking that.

 

"So, I'm assuming you know who I am," Azog said, voice rough. "But I'm afraid I don't know your name."

 

"Underhill," Bilbo lied smoothly. "Bill Underhill."

 

"And what can I do for you, Mr Underhill?" Azog asked, eyes glinting as he lit up a cigarette. "Cheating spouse? Asshole boss? What's your poison?"

 

"Ah, no poison," Bilbo coughed. This man have felt very safe to discuss these things so openly. "I, um... I work for a certain... family. In Mirkwood. I've heard you may have a common interest?"

 

"A common nuisance, I would say," Azog said, but his eyes were alert and on Bilbo now. "So the Mirkwood King is finally sick of the King Under the Mountain. Wonderful, I'm not the only one."

 

"Yes," Bilbo coughed slightly at the smoke floating his way. "In fact, he wanted to congratulate you on your recent acquisition."

 

Azog tilted his head to the side, his brow crinkling in confusion. He waved a hand, urging Bilbo to keep talking.

 

"The, um, Durin boy," Bilbo said, looking around. "The youngest one. He's missing. My employer assumed..."

 

"That I was the one to do it?" Azog laughed lowly then. "Oh, I wish. Oakenshield keeps those boys under tighter lock and key than even I can crack."

 

"If not you, then who?" Bilbo asked, genuine confusion shining through.  "The boy's been gone for a week now."

 

"Not me, little bird," Azog laughed. "But I would like to shake the hand of the man that did it."

 

"Yes," Bilbo nodded. "My employer feels the same."

 

"So, when does he want to meet?" Azog asked, eyes sliding around the club once more. "With our combined forces it should be a breeze."

 

"He won't leave Mirkwood," Bilbo said promptly, thinking fast. "And he doesn't expect you to simply waltz up to City Hall. Head to Mirkwood and he'll find you."

 

"Wonderful," Azog said, flicking his fingers dismissively. "Thank you, little bird."

 

Bilbo took his cue and hurried off. He slipped through the club and out the door onto the cool street. He took a deep calming breath and resisted the urge to shudder. Talking with Azog had made him feel... unclean.

 

Bilbo hurried down the street, nodding to the police he passed. He ducked quickly out of the way of two stumbling Orcs and found himself being pulled into a dark alley.

 

Bilbo shrieked, but a hand closed on his mouth. He was spun around and he gazed up with wide eyes at his captor.

 

Only to deflate and scowl at Bofur's anxious face.

 

"You scared me half to death!" Bilbo cried, tearing the man's hand from his mouth. "What were you doing?"

 

"What am _I_ doing? What are _you_ doing!" Bofur hissed. "Ye nearly gave me a heart attack, waltzing into the Warg Club like that!"

 

"I had it all under control," Bilbo said stiffly. "I'm a private investigator, I've done worse than that."

 

"I nearly called Thorin," Bofur said angrily. "Five more minutes and I would have!"

 

"Oh hush," Bilbo said, waving a hand dismissively. "I was fine. Really. I spoke to Azog, and-"

 

"You spoke to _Azog_?!"

 

"-and I sent him on his way!" Bilbo finished angrily. "He thinks I work for Thranduil. He didn't kidnap Kíli, and I told him Thranduil wants to meet to discuss their mutual hatred of Thorin. Really, Bofur, I was quite saf-"

 

Bilbo froze in shock as Bofur leant in, pressing his lips quickly against his. The kiss was short and sweet, and then Bofur was stepping back and releasing Bilbo entirely.

 

"Idiot," he whispered, running a hand over his face. "Absolute idiot."

 

Bilbo wasn't sure if he meant Bilbo or himself. He pressed a finger to his lips, staring up at the other man.

 

"Bofur..."

 

"Please, just go back to the hotel," Bofur said tiredly. "Please, Bilbo."

 

"Bofur, I can't-"

 

"I _know,_ Bilbo," Bofur sounded truly tormented at that. "Just go."

 

Bilbo went. He took off, running from the alley behind him. He hadn't realized... he had seen Bofur's attraction to him, of course, but he thought it was just like the attraction Bilbo felt in return - basic, instinctive, and never to be acted on. It was nothing like the way Bilbo felt about Thorin. His attraction to Bofur was a tiny candle next to the forest fire that was his feelings for Thorin Oakenshield.

 

He ran blindly into the hotel lobby, startling the concierge. He waved off their concerns, hurrying to the elevator. He slipped inside, swiped his card, and hit the button for the twenty-third floor before collapsing against the wall. He closed his eyes tight, trying to ignore the movement of the elevator.

 

This was not what a job was supposed to be like. He was not supposed to have unrequited feelings for his client, he was not supposed to have to deal with his client's employee having unrequited feelings for _him,_ he was not supposed to talk to hit men, crime families, scary mayors, gang members or any of this! He wasn't supposed to be in the city! He missed the Shire, he missed his little flat, his little garden and his armchair!

 

Most of all, he missed his nephew.

 

Bilbo slouched out of the elevator as it arrived at his floor. He slipped back into his room silently, pleased to see Bifur's bedroom door was firmly shut. He tossed the key card back onto the coffee table before heading to his room and collapsing on the bed.

 

Bilbo groaned heavily, rubbing his eyes. The only thing stopping him from calling up Thorin and heading home was the memory of Fíli's tormented eyes that first meeting. He couldn't give up now. He had to find Kíli. If just for Fíli's sake.

 

Bilbo kicked his shoes off and pulled his laptop towards him. He woke it from its sleep state and opened up a search engine. One quick search later and he was grinning at the screen.

 

_ The Last Homely House Archery Academy. _

_Located just outside of Gondor in the picturesque valley of Imladris, near the town of Rivendell, the Last Homely House leads the country in archery training and technique!_

Bilbo closed the window down a shut down his laptop, setting it aside. He flopped back on the bed with a grin.

 

Gondor. The Last Homely House was near Gondor. Perfect.

 

He rolled over and grabbed his phone, firing off a quick text before flopping onto his back and closing his eyes. He would get changed in just a moment, he just needed to rest his eyes for a second...

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

_B. Baggins: I need to take a trip to Gondor. Emergency with my nephew. I'll leave tomorrow morning and be back by Wednesday evening._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Bilbo groaned as he woke up slowly. His whole body ached, probably from sleeping in his clothes. He rolled over and saw that it was not yet six. Wonderful.

 

His phone was flashing next to the bed so Bilbo grabbed it, snorting down at the message waiting for him. Rolling his eyes he responded and then chucked the phone back onto the bed before crossing to the shower, rolling his shoulders irritably.

 

He had plenty of time to shower before the nine o'clock train to Gondor.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

_B. Baggins: I need to take a trip to Gondor. Emergency with my nephew. I'll leave tomorrow morning and be back by Wednesday evening._

_O. Durin: And you're making_ me _tell Thorin? Bilbo!_

_B. Baggins: Sorry, Ori. It's important. My own nephew._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF? BOFUR, I LOVE YOU.
> 
>  
> 
> http://www.facebook.com/TanukiMara


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only a short epilogue after this.

Bilbo would always be awed by Gondor. The city was entirely _white,_ and perfectly clean. Frodo said something about it being filled with academics and a strict police force, which when combined with a complete lack of night life almost completely drove away any ruffians at all. Bilbo was stuck on Frodo's use of the word 'ruffian.'

 

Gondor Central Station was busy, but it was an orderly busy. People almost seemed afraid to chatter too loud. Bilbo had no idea how anyone could live like that.

 

"Uncle! Over here!"

 

Bilbo whipped around and smiled widely at the sight of his nephew waving him over. He crossed quickly to Frodo's side and pulled the lad into a hug, which he protested vehemently of course.

 

"Get off, Uncle!" Frodo batted away his arms with a laugh. He smiled at Bilbo then, that sweet smile he always had just for Bilbo. "It's good to see you."

 

Bilbo resisted the urge to pull Frodo into another hug and simply returned the smile before turning to his nephew's companion.

 

Aragorn hadn't changed at all since Bilbo had last seen him. He stood stock still, confidence filling every inch of his frame as he held his hand out for Bilbo to shake. His grip was firm and tight. Bilbo smiled at the lad - who was taller than both he and Frodo - taking in the slight scruff on his face and long tresses.

 

"Aragorn, how have you been?" Bilbo asked as he allowed the lad to take his bag. "It's been a while."

 

"Yes it has, Mr Baggins," Aragorn agreed as he led the way out to the street. A car was waiting for them there, and every so often someone would stop and point at Aragorn, whispering about the 'Prince of Gondor' as he was known.

 

The car took off through the traffic easily, and Bilbo settled next to Frodo, patting his arm every so often.

 

"How's the case going, Uncle?" Frodo asked eagerly. Bilbo winced.

 

"I'd rather not say," he sighed. "It's why I'm out here."

 

"So you said," Frodo said. "You'll come by the campus though, yes?"

 

"Yes, of course," Bilbo nodded. "I just need to find a hotel first."

 

"A hotel, Uncle?" Frodo frowned. "You're only staying one night. We can sneak you on campus."

 

"Frodo, really, I can afford a night in a hotel," Bilbo laughed.

 

"Yes, but I'd like you there, Uncle," Frodo said quietly, staring down at his lap. "I can sleep on the couch and you can have my bed."

 

"Or you can just sleep in your boyfriend's bed," Bilbo said casually, smiling when Frodo choked on nothing and started coughing. "Really, lad, I'm not _that_ dense. Private investigator, remember?"

 

"R-Right," Frodo stared down at his lap, face scarlet. Bilbo chuckled lightly when Aragorn reached over and took Frodo's hand, running a thumb over his fingers.

 

"Now then, I need to take the number twelve train to Rivendell," Bilbo murmured as he stared at his scribbles in his notebook. "And then a short half an hour walk to The Last Homely House."

 

"You can take the car, Mr Baggins," Aragorn spoke up. "I won't need it again for the day, I'm in class until late."

 

"Are you sure, lad?" Bilbo asked, blinking up at the boy. Aragorn nodded.

 

"The trip takes half the time by car," he said. "And the quicker it takes the longer you can spend with Frodo."

 

Frodo flashed Aragorn a grateful smile and that settled it for Bilbo.

 

"Thank you then," he murmured. "And you can call me Bilbo, Aragorn."

 

Bilbo left the two outside Minas Tirith. The car took off again and Bilbo hummed softly to himself. It was refreshing to be away from the confines of Erebor, of the Durin family. Minas Tirith was beautiful, in a cold way, and it was freeing to not have to worry about being followed or yelled at upon his return.

 

He pulled out his camera as the city melted into the country. He flipped back through the pictures, pausing right at the start.

 

The 'crime scene' where Kíli had vanished. The bag was set aside, all valuables carefully emptied out and taken. The papers were strewn in an almost perfect circle, as though someone had stood with their arms outstretched and spun, dropping paper as they went. The lack of music player, laptop and phone were suspicious.

 

And then there was the photograph in Kíli's locker. A photograph of Legolas. And the oddity of the fact that when Bilbo entered Kíli's number into his phone for future reference it came up as already being in there - under _Anchor Point,_ the number he had lifted from Legolas's phone.

 

Thranduil had claimed not to know where Kíli was, and yet his son was friends with the boy who had made the bank withdrawal on Kíli's card. Perhaps on Legolas's behalf. So Legolas definitely knew more than he was letting on. The boy had also not seemed surprise that Kíli was gone, nor was he annoyed when Bilbo pointed out Kíli's ability to best Legolas, he seemed...

 

Well, he seemed rather proud.

 

Azog had no idea what had happened to Kíli. Thranduil had no idea. That ruled out both major suspects.

 

If there even was a suspect.

 

Kíli's archery tournament was coming up this weekend. Fíli had said he was nervous, but Thorin didn't let the boys _be_ nervous. What if it was too much? What if Kíli was sick of pushing his anxiety away? What if he wanted to panic, wanted to freak out, wanted to-

  
Wanted to run away.

 

Bilbo cursed at that. All this work, all this trouble, because the boy was worried about a sports tournament and his Uncle couldn't take ten minutes to reassure him.

 

But how did Legolas come into it? Did he encourage Kíli's nerves? Did he trash talk him scared?

 

"Sir, we're here."

 

Bilbo shook himself out of his stupor and slid from the car. He made his way up towards the beautiful house before him, staring at it in wonder. It was lovely, with gorgeous gardens all around. A large wood carving above the door decreed 'The Last Homely House.'

 

A loud shout sounded from the side and Bilbo ducked around to see what was happening. A familiar blonde boy was standing in the centre of a large clear square of grass - an archery range. He was holding an arrow in his hand, waving it up high, holding it out  reach of the dark haired boy that was trying to grab it.

 

Legolas laughed as the boy jumped for the arrow again. The brunet gave up quickly and chose instead to grab two handfuls of Legolas's shirt, tugging him down until their lips met. Legolas dropped the arrow straight away and wrapped both his arms around the boy's waist.

 

Not nerves about the archery contest then. Nerves about his Uncle finding out he was in love with the son of the man's worst enemy.

 

Well, that explained the photo in the locker.

 

Bilbo dropped his bag and stomped forward, scowling darkly. All this work, all this time spent, because the boy had a crush and was too scared to tell his Uncle. Bilbo would never get over the idiocy of teenagers!

 

"Kíli Durin!" he shouted, startling the pair apart. "You are in _so_ much trouble!"

 

"Who are you?" Kíli slipped half behind Legolas, staring at Bilbo. "How do you know who I am?"

 

"Front and centre, Kíli!" Bilbo barked. Kíli yelped and ducked out from behind Legolas, obediently standing before Bilbo. Kíli stared at his feet, ashamed. Bilbo studied the boy from head to toe. He looked more like Thorin than the pictures had captured. "My name is Bilbo Baggins. I was hired by your Uncle to find you. I'm a Private Investigator."

 

"Oh no," Kíli groaned, dropping his head to his hands. "Uncle panicked, didn't he?"

 

"And rightly so!" Bilbo snapped. "You've been gone a week, and no one knows what happened to you! Why on Earth would you run away and make it look like you've been kidnapped? What were you _expecting?_ "

 

"I was going to come back," Kíli protested. "I just... I needed some time. I was going to come back and say that I escaped. That way I wouldn't get in trouble for running away."

 

Bilbo rubbed his temples, trying to ward off the headache he could feel building. He wanted to strangle the idiot before him.

 

"Mr Baggins, wonderful to see you again," Legolas drawled as he stepped up behind Kíli and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Still rifling through other people's bags?"

 

Bilbo flushed but met Legolas's stare head on. "Only when they lie to me."

 

Legolas paused and then smiled, nodding his head to Bilbo as if conceding a point. Kíli sighed heavily and drooped his head, looking like an overgrown puppy.

 

"You're here to take me home, aren't you?" he mumbled. Bilbo sighed and resisted the urge to pet the boy. It was a strangely strong urge.

 

"I have to," he said. "It's my job. And Fíli has been frantic."

 

"Oh no," Kíli whispered. "I didn't want to worry him..."

 

"Then maybe you shouldn't have run away," Bilbo pointed out. He looked up at Legolas and nodded firmly. "I think you'd better come with us."

 

"What?" Legolas took a step back at that. "And start a war between Mirkwood and Erebor? Are you insane?"

 

"Uncle will be displeased," Kíli said gloomily. "He will yell and threaten and possibly harm Legolas. I like him in one piece."

 

"Oh, there'll be none of that," Bilbo said firmly, shaking his head. "I'll make sure of it."

 

"Mr Boggins-"

 

"It's _Baggins._ "

 

"You don't know my Uncle," Kíli continued. "He'll kill Legolas and lock me away for the rest of my life."

 

"I won't let him," Bilbo said simply. He smiled at Kíli when the boy looked disbelieving. "Please, Kíli. Do you really want me to have to call your Uncle all the way out here?"

 

"Ah! Fine!" Kíli threw his hands up irritably. He turned to look up at Legolas. "Please don't get killed."

 

Legolas smiled softly and pressed a kiss to Kíli's forehead.

 

"I won't," he murmured. "Let's go grab our things and tell Elrond we're leaving."

 

Bilbo waved them inside with a stern look before he retreated to the car. He leaned heavily against it and sighed softly before pulling out his phone to tell Frodo he won't need to stay the night after all. After sending off the text message he hesitated before he sent off another.

 

That done, he slid his phone back into his pocket and waited for the boys to come back out.

 

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_B. Baggins: Change of plan. I will be on the five o'clock from Gondor at Erebor Central Station. Please meet me there._

 

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Bilbo whistled softly as the train pulled into Erebor. Kíli had grown more and more pale as they arrived closer to the city, and he was now leaning heavily on Legolas, his face ashen as the train came to a stop.

 

The boy dragged his feet as they made their way onto the platform, Legolas dragging him by their joined hands. Bilbo sighed as they entered the large main terminal, shaking his head. Thorin wouldn't be too hard on the boys or Bilbo would make him regret it.

 

Bilbo scanned the area quickly until he spotted their ride, leaning against a wall and staring at his phone. He led the other two boys towards him cheerfully.

 

"Fíli!" he called, waving. The man looked up, smiling softly at Bilbo, and then his eyes slid past him and he froze. Bilbo heard Kíli's sharp intake of breath behind him and then _he_ was freezing up too.

  
For all of two seconds.

 

Both brothers seemed to snap out of it at the same time and then were running towards each other, colliding in the middle in a tangle of limbs and shouts of each other's names. Fíli was lifting his brother and laughing as he spun him around, much to Kíli's displeasure.

 

"Put me down, you oaf!"

 

"Where the fuck have you _been_?"

 

"Down, I said!"

 

Fíli dropped Kíli and stared at him for a long moment before he shook his head and stepped back.

 

"What happened?" he asked. Kíli shuffled awkwardly and looked over at Legolas, who was pointedly looking anywhere but at Fíli. "...Kíli, are you... and him...?"

 

Kíli nodded and stared at his feet while Fíli stared at both of them in shock. Then he was launching himself past Kíli and trying to punch Legolas.

 

Bilbo sighed heavily as Legolas darted out of Fíli's reach, Kíli chasing after both of them. Fíli was shouting about the Mirkwood boy defiling his younger brother while Kíli was just shouting in general.

 

"Alright, _enough!_ " Bilbo snapped at last. The three stopped and stared at him, Fíli having finally grabbed a handful of Legolas's shirt, Kíli hanging on his brother's back.

 

"Fíli, he'll get enough of that from Thorin, so stop it," Bilbo ordered firmly. "What's done is done. Let's call your Uncle and head back to the hotel."

 

"Not the hotel," Fíli said, shaking his head as he shoved Legolas away. "We've got to go to Uncle's."

 

"No," Bilbo said and he planted his hands on his hips. "You are _not_ cornering Legolas in your Uncle's house. The hotel or nowhere at all!"

 

Fíli scowled but nodded and turned back to Kíli.

 

"This won't end well," he warned him. Kíli shrugged.

 

"I have faith in Mr Boggins."

 

"It's _Baggins,_ damn it!"

 

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_F. Durin: Uncle, Bilbo wants to talk to you at the hotel._

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Bifur had been ecstatic to see Kíli, making several strange grunts and waving his arms in rapid sign language. Kíli had laughed and clasped the man's hand before asking him to not spill to Uncle yet. Bifur had signed something quickly and Kíli had given him a look that reminded Bilbo of a kicked puppy and then Bifur was nodding.

 

The ride to the hotel was tense. Bilbo was seated with Kíli and Legolas in the back, while Fíli rode in the passenger seat, eyes fixed on Legolas through the visor mirror.

 

Bilbo insisted on taking the stairs up to the room. Kíli had volunteered to join him, clearly not wanting to be stuck in a box with Fíli and Legolas without Bilbo to save him. Legolas had followed, of course, and then Fíli had followed _him,_ muttering about not trusting them alone. Bifur had rolled his eyes and ridden the elevator alone.

 

Twenty-five tense floors later and Bilbo was ready to smack the boy's heads together. He stomped down the hall to the room, knocking sharply on the door and trying to block out the bickering behind him.

 

Bifur opened the door, grunting and signing frantically, but Bilbo paid him no mind. He swept past him into the room, dropping his bag along the way. He rolled his neck and glanced up.

 

Only to freeze at the gun pointing at him.

 

Bilbo stared at the firearm for a long moment before he realized it was not pointed at _him,_ but rather at Legolas. He followed the gun up a heavily tattooed arm and looked up into Dwalin's angry face.

 

That was when Bilbo realized that they were certainly not alone.

 

Óin and Glóin flanked Dwalin, both looking equally angry. Ori was huddled with his brothers, all three watching Legolas suspiciously, while Bofur and Bombur moved to block the exit behind Legolas with Bifur. Seated on a chair facing the door directly was Thorin, Balin standing at his side.

 

"Thorin!" Bilbo snapped, his anger coming back in a rush. "No!"

 

"Fíli, you asshole!" Kíli shouted behind him. "Why would you tell him!"

 

"Because he needed to know!"

 

"If you hurt a hair on his head, Uncle, I swear to God-"

 

"Enough," Thorin snarled, standing up. He moved forward, towering over Kíli. "You are in more trouble than I can even say. Go wait in the other room while we take care of this."

 

"No!" Kíli looked furious, as did Thorin. The family resemblance between them was shocking. "Don't you dare touch him!"

 

"This is ridiculous!" Bilbo snapped, pushing between the two. "Thorin, you are _not_ going to shoot Legolas!"

 

"Not right away," Thorin snarled, turning his gaze upon the blonde. "No, we'll stretch this out."

 

Legolas, to his credit, was standing perfectly still, looking completely unfazed by the conversations around him. Bilbo could see his hands were trembling at his sides though.

 

"Uncle, _please,_ " Kíli's voice was wretched as he tugged at his Uncle's arm. "Don't do this. If you do, I swear, I will _never_ speak to you again. I will leave, and I won't come back."

 

Thorin held Kíli's gaze for a long moment before his face shifted into a frown. He shook his head and pulled his arm free from Kíli's grip.

 

"You don't understand, Kíli," he grunted. "You're too young. Do not make empty threats."

 

" _Thorin!_ " Bilbo hissed, grabbing the man's arm and pulling him around until they were face to face. "Do not do this."

 

"Bilbo, this is family business. Go with Kíli in the other room," he grunted. He cupped Bilbo's face softly for a moment. "I would not have you see this."

 

Bilbo tore his face away from Thorin's hand, shaking his head. He stared in horror at this man who was so obsessed with a family rivalry that he was going to kill a child.

 

"You can't..." Bilbo whispered, moving to stand in front of Legolas. "I won't let you. I won't _let_ you, Thorin!"

 

"Bilbo, move," Thorin ordered. Bilbo shook his head, tears pricking his eyes.

 

"If you do this, Thorin, I swear you will make an enemy you'll regret!" he shouted. "I swear it! I will not stop until you suffer for this!"

 

Thorin hesitated and looked from Kíli to Legolas. Kíli was in tears now, streaming silently down his face as he glared his uncle down.

 

"You would... do that?" Thorin said softly, looking at Bilbo once more. "You would turn against me?"

 

"Thorin, please," Bilbo whispered. He stepped up to the man and took his hand, pressing it to his cheek once more, regardless of those watching. "If you feel anything for me at all, do not do this."

 

Thorin stroked Bilbo's cheek softly and rested his forehead against the smaller man's. Bilbo closed in his eyes and inhaled Thorin's scent slowly.

 

"You are a truly remarkable creature, Bilbo Baggins," Thorin murmured. "I did not intend to feel this way about you."

 

"And Kíli did not intend to fall in love with Legolas," Bilbo whispered, opening his eyes and looking up at Thorin. "Please. The heart wants what the heart wants."

 

Thorin straightened and his eyes shifted from Legolas, to Kíli, to Bilbo, and then to Bofur. He sighed heavily and looked to Dwalin.

 

"Stand down," he ordered. Dwalin hesitated for a long moment before he dropped his arm. He gave Legolas one hard look before he slid his gun away.

 

Kíli barrelled past Thorin and threw himself at Legolas, wrapping his arms tightly around Legolas's waist. Legolas held him close as he slumped back against the wall, his legs shaking too much to hold him.

 

Bilbo sighed in relief and smiled up at Thorin. Thorin was watching Legolas and Kíli with a pained expression, but he shook his head after a moment and turned back to the rest of his men.

 

"Clear out," he grunted. There was a slight hesitation and then they were all moving.

 

Bilbo darted around Glóin and grabbed his bag, moving to the bedroom to drop it in the doorway. He stood there and watched the men all leave, until Fíli, Kíli and Legolas stood opposite Thorin.

  
Thorin grunted and reached out, pulling Kíli into his arms. Kíli buried his face in Thorin's chest and clung tight to him.

 

"I'm sorry, Uncle," he mumbled, muffled. Thorin rested his head on Kíli's briefly.

 

"As am I," he grunted. He pushed Kíli back to arms length and looked down at him sternly. "Don't run away next time. Just... Just talk to me."

 

"I think I'll talk to Mr Boggins," Kíli said impishly, glancing over at Bilbo. "He's got you on the short leash, Uncle. You're whipped."

 

Kíli laughed at the expression on Thorin's face and stepped back, grabbing Legolas's hand. Fíli clapped Thorin on the shoulder, the movement returned by his Uncle, before crossing to stand beside Kíli.

 

"Come on, let's get you home," he said as he ruffled Kíli's hair. "Get Ma to stop crying at last."

 

"Oh God," Kíli groaned, rubbing his eyes. "Ma..."

 

"Take _that_ with you," Thorin grunted, nodding at Legolas. The blond looked slightly affronted but he allowed Kíli to take his hand again and pull him from the room. Fíli followed, but stopped at the door with a grin.

 

"Keep the noise down, Uncle," he said with a wink. "A noise complaint would be downright embarrassing."

 

Bilbo felt his face flush as Fíli vanished through the door, closing it behind him. Thorin stared at the door for a moment before he turned to look at Bilbo, his eyes dark.

 

Bilbo let out a squeak and took a step back. It was after Thorin had taken several steps forward that Bilbo realized he was being herded into the bedroom.

 

"Uh, right then," Bilbo swallowed as Thorin strode confidently towards him, eyes tracing Bilbo from head to toe. "Now th-that's all, uh, done, I guess... I, uh... Oh my..."

 

Bilbo's hands came up on their accord to rest on Thorin's broad chest as the man stopped before him. Bilbo stared as his hands moved, almost against his will, tracing along the perfectly tailored suit the man was wearing, fiddling with the midnight blue tie and finally coming to rest on broad shoulders.

 

"Bilbo," Thorin murmured above him. Bilbo looked up, his breath catching softly. Thorin's eyes slid from his lips up to his own eyes and then he was leaning in, oh so slowly...

 

He was waiting for Bilbo, the smaller man realized after a long moment. He was waiting for Bilbo to initiate the contact himself.

 

Bilbo took a deep breath and stood up on his toes, closing the distance between them.

 

Thorin's lips were soft and warm as Bilbo cautiously moved against them. He curled his fingers against Thorin's shoulder and let out a soft moan as he pushed closer, wanting to taste more of the other man.

 

At the sound, Thorin _moved._

Bilbo groaned as his back thumped up against the wall behind him. Strong hands slammed on either side of his head as Thorin moved in close, his tongue curling into Bilbo's mouth. Bilbo shivered against the other man, pressing closer. Thorin's leg came up, nudging his thighs apart until it was pressed firmly between his legs, rolling against his arousal in the most pleasant way.

 

Bilbo couldn't stifle the moan that slid out at that, and then Thorin was moving from his lips, pressing harsh kisses down his jaw to his neck. He attacked the length with fever, biting and sucking up marks. Bilbo grabbed two handfuls of dark hair and whimpered, his hips bucking against that damn leg that was still rubbing him.

 

"Th-Thorin," Bilbo gasped out as his head thumped against the wall. "Oh-Oh God, _Thorin._ "

 

Thorin _snarled_ and shifted until their lips were pressed together again. Bilbo whimpered into his mouth, pulling him closer by his hair. Thorin's tongue slid back into his mouth, and Bilbo sucked on it encouragingly. Thorin's hands shifted from the wall to Bilbo's waist, sliding down and then back up under Bilbo's shirt, rubbing his skin softly.

 

"Oh, oh, God," Bilbo whispered as he pulled away and pressed his forehead to Thorin's. "Thorin..."

 

"Tell me to stop," Thorin growled as his hands traced over Bilbo's sides. "Tell me to stop and back away. Or I won't stop at all."

 

"Don't stop," Bilbo begged, pulling Thorin in by his hair and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "Please, don't stop."

 

Thorin swore softly and pulled Bilbo from the wall, walking him back to the bed. He pushed the smaller man down onto the bed before leaning over him, eyes drifting over his body.

 

"I've wanted you since I first laid eyes on you," Thorin whispered as his fingers danced down Bilbo's shirt, undoing the buttons. "I wanted to take you that night, wanted you so bad."

 

"Y-You're my client," Bilbo mumbled as Thorin pulled his shirt open and leaned in, pressing his lips to the base of Bilbo's collarbone. "I couldn't- not while Kíli was missing."

 

"I wouldn't have cared," Thorin growled as his hands raced over Bilbo's soft stomach and higher. "I wanted you."

 

" _I_ would have cared," Bilbo protested, looking down at Thorin. "I can't go around sleeping with my clients!"

 

"Not any more you can't," Thorin growled, sitting back and staring at Bilbo. "You're _mine._ "

 

Bilbo shivered at the possessiveness in his tone and reached up to tug at his tie, undoing it and pulling it off. Thorin got the message and slid his jacket off, dropping it to the floor with a heavy thud. Bilbo's eyes traced over his chest, and he tried not to look at the holster and gun slung over his right side. Thorin quickly dropped it down and started undoing his shirt. Bilbo sat up, reaching up to help, eager to get Thorin out of the material.

 

The shirt fluttered to the floor and Bilbo took a long moment to appreciate the tank top Thorin was wearing under it. His hands danced over the material, slapping Thorin's hands away when he went to lift it. Bilbo's hands slid up to Thorin's shoulders and then back down to his waist, and he finally lifted the top up, allowing the now-amused Thorin to pull it up higher. Bilbo's eyes locked onto the skin slowly being revealed to him, and he licked his lips in anticipation.

 

And that's when his phone rang.

 

"No, no, no," Bilbo groaned as he flopped onto his back. He fumbled to get his phone out of his pocket. Thorin caught his hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing it softly.

 

"Leave it," he whispered, eyes dark. Bilbo swallowed hard, but shook his head.

 

"I can't," he said, pulling the phone out. "It might be an emergency."

 

Bilbo swore to God that if it was Falco complaining about his daughter's boyfriend he would kill the man, cousin or not.

 

An unknown number with a Gondor area code flashed up on the screen and Bilbo scrambled out from under Thorin, answering the phone. Only one person would be calling him from Gondor.

 

"Frodo? Are you okay?" he asked, ignoring the hands tracing over his back.

 

" _Bilbo? It's Aragorn. Is... Is Frodo not with you?_ "

 

"No..." Bilbo frowned, holding up a hand to still Thorin's advances. "I told Frodo I would be going back to Erebor. Did he not tell you?"

 

" _I... I haven't spoken to Frodo since I went to class. He's not at the dorm, I thought he might be out with you... I was going to ask what we were doing for dinner."_

"Is he not answering his phone?"

 

" _No, he's not. I've been calling, but no one picks up. Bilbo... I'm worried._ "

 

"So am I," Bilbo whispered, gripping his phone tight. "Have you asked around? Have any of his friends seen him?"

 

" _No, I've asked around. He attended his last class at noon._ "

 

"Is there anything in the dorm room? Anything that could be a clue as to where he went? A missing text book for a study group?"

 

" _No, there's nothing out of place, everything's the sa- what's that?_ "

 

"What?"

 

" _An envelope... on Frodo's desk. With your name on it._ "

 

"Open it."

 

" _Okay. Yeah, let me just... okay. It's a note. It says... it..._ "

 

"Aragorn," Bilbo's voice trembled. "What does it say?"

 

" _I-It says... 'You lied to me, little bird._ ' _Bilbo, what does that mean?"_

_"_ Oh God," Bilbo whimpered as the phone fell from his grip. "Oh God, no."

 

"Bilbo, what's wrong?" Thorin demanded behind him, large hands coming to rest on Bilbo's bare shoulders. "What is it?"

 

"Frodo," Bilbo breathed as he grabbed the phone again. "He's- Oh God."

 

" _Bilbo, what happened? Where's Frodo?_ "

 

"Azog has him," Bilbo whispered. "Azog has him and it's all my fault."

 

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_T. Oakenshield: Everyone back to the hotel NOW._

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Bilbo shivered heavily despite the thick blanket thrown over his shoulders. Chaos reigned around him as Thorin's men hurried all over the hotel room, many shouting into phones while others tapped away on laptops.

 

Legolas had called Thranduil and promised Bilbo that Mirkwood was being searched thoroughly. Ori was seated before a computer waiting for the GPS tracer on Frodo's phone to come online. Thorin himself was with Dwalin and Balin, discussing in low tones how to find Azog.

 

"Here, Bilbo," a cup of tea appeared before him and Bilbo followed it up to Bofur's concerned face. "Please, drink something."

 

Bilbo nodded and took the cup, curling his hands around it. He smiled shakily at Bofur before taking a sip.

 

"Thank you," he whispered softly. Bofur nodded before moving to leave. "Wait! Please. Sit."

 

Bofur hesitated and glanced over at Thorin, who was still facing away from them, before he nodded and sat down next to the smaller man.

 

"I don't like how it is between us," Bilbo said softly. "I feel like I can't talk to you or be near you."

 

"Bilbo," Bofur sighed, tugging his hat off and running a hand over his hair. "It... It's complicated."

 

"No, it's not," Bilbo said with a heavy sigh. "I get it, I do. But please, Bofur, I need all the support I can get right now. Thorin isn't going to kill you for talking to me."

 

"Aye, I'm sorry," Bofur grunted, shoving his hat back on his head. "I... does he make ye happy?"

 

Bilbo looked over at the man who was turning three cities upside down to find his nephew for him and smiled softly, his gaze dropping back to his tea.

 

"He does," he whispered.

 

"Then I can ask for nothing more," Bofur said with a sad smile. "Good luck to ye, Mr Baggins. I wish ye all the luck in the world."

 

Bofur strode off before Bilbo could stop him and Bilbo sighed heavily, slumping in his chair. A quick glance up showed Thorin watching him with a frown on his face, his eyes darting over to where Bofur was sitting now beside Bombur. Bilbo shook his head and Thorin turned back to Dwalin.

 

"It's online!" Ori shouted suddenly. "Bilbo! Bilbo, it's working!"

 

Most of the men hurried over to Ori, Bilbo at the front. He set his tea aside and peered over Ori's shoulder at the screen. The blinking dot that indicated where Frodo's phone was flashed brightly. Bilbo frowned slightly. That couldn't be right. That was saying that Bilbo was...

 

"The Warg Club," Thorin grunted. "Why there?"

 

"Because that's where I met him," Bilbo whispered softly. He spun away from Ori and shot across the room, grabbing his coat on the way. "And that's where I'll go to get Frodo back."

 

"Bilbo, no," Thorin grunted as he followed Bilbo across the room. "You can't just walk in there. It's too dangerou-"

 

"Yes, I _can,_ Thorin!" Bilbo shouted, turning to face him. "This is my nephew! I need to do anything and everything to get him back!"

 

Thorin grasped Bilbo by the shoulders and stared down at him, blue eyes locked onto brown.

 

"You can't go," Thorin said softly. " _Alone._ I will accompany you."

 

"Oh," Bilbo stared up at Thorin dumbly. "Oh, that works."

 

"Dwalin, call Dain," Thorin said over his shoulder. "Tell him I want twenty of our best outside the Warg Club in ten minutes."

 

"I won't wait ten minutes," Bilbo warned Thorin. "I'm going now."

 

"Azog won't let them in anyway," Thorin said as he opened the door of the hotel room. "They'll be there to ensure no one tries to slip out."

 

"Right," Bilbo stepped through the door, nodding. "Let's go."

 

"Fíli, Kíli!" Thorin snapped over his shoulder. "You two stay here. You too, Ori. No arguments!"

 

Thorin joined Bilbo out in the hall, his men filing out behind him. Bilbo led the way to the staircase, and to his surprise not only Thorin followed him down, but the rest of the men.

 

Bilbo glanced up at Thorin, and saw that the man's face was set in a harsh scowl. Bilbo knew he blamed himself - it was his rivalry with Azog, Bilbo was simply caught in the middle of it.

 

Bilbo reached over and took Thorin's hand, squeezing it lightly. Thorin's face cleared instantly and he looked down at Bilbo with a determined, yet serious expression.

 

"You have my word, Bilbo, I will get him back."

 

Another squeeze to the hand.

 

"I know you will."

 

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The Warg Club looked very different during a weekday. Most of the waitresses were gone, replaced with hard-faced bartenders who looked about as likely to knock your lights out as they were to pour you a drink. Thorin breezed past the doorman who didn't even try to stop them, the rest of his men and Bilbo following.

 

There were three other people in the bar. An older man was seated at a booth with a young woman who was surely there under a monetary incentive. The third was an old man hunched over the bar, slowly drowning himself in a drink, his drab grey clothing speaking of hard times.

 

Azog was on his dais, of course. A number of Orcs had been scattered around him, and they now moved to stand facing Thorin, leering at the men tauntingly. Azog himself leant back on his chair, a dark smile on his face.

 

"So, little bird, you have returned," Azog drawled as he took a sip from his drink. His eyes drifted to Thorin and his smile grew. "And you brought me what I wanted."

 

"Where's Frodo?" Bilbo demanded, not wanting to play these games. "Where is he?"

 

Azog waved a hand regally and two Orcs came forward, dragging a squirming Frodo between them.

 

"Here, he's all yours," Azog said as the Orcs threw Frodo at Bilbo's feet. "I have no further use for him."

 

"Frodo!" Bilbo breathed, dropping to his knees and pulling Frodo into his arms. "Oh, my boy, I am so sorry."

 

"It's alright, Uncle," Frodo breathed into his neck. "I'm alright."

 

"Thorin Oakenshield," Azog barked, eyes glittering. "How _wonderful_ to see you again."

 

"You shouldn't have come back, Azog," Thorin grunted. "It will be the last mistake you make."

 

"Big words, Durin," Azog laughed. At a wave of his hand the Orcs closest to Bilbo pulled their guns out, pointing them at Bilbo and Frodo. "I have the upper hand here."

 

Dwalin stepped forward, his own gun in hand, pointed at Azog. The man wasn't even fazed by it.

 

"Go ahead," he dared, eyes still on Thorin. "Tell him to shoot me. My Orcs will still shoot your little bird."

 

Thorin placed a hand on Dwalin's arm, lowering it. Dwalin scowled but stepped behind Thorin again.

 

"What do you want?" Thorin asked, his voice dark.

 

"To talk," Azog said as he swirled the liquid in his glass. "But without such a crowd. I'll send my Orcs away if you send your men away."

 

Thorin hesitated for a long moment before he nodded. At the movement murmurings broke out behind him, but the men began to leave. Bilbo pulled Frodo to his feet and began to pull him towards the door.

 

"Wait," Azog called, eyes lighting up with glee. He pointed a finger at Bilbo. "Your bird stays."

 

"No," Thorin snapped. Azog shrugged and an Orc cocked the trigger of his gun.

 

"Thorin, it's okay," Bilbo whispered. He passed Frodo off to Dwalin, who wrapped an arm around the boy's waist. "Keep him safe."

 

"Wait," Azog's voice rang out again. Up came his finger, pointed at Bofur this time. "He stays too."

 

Bilbo tensed next to Thorin who was watching Bofur, but he nodded. Bofur hung back, waving off Bombur and Bifur's hesitation. The Orcs filed out the back of the club, closing the large doors behind them.

 

"Now, isn't this fun?" Azog laughed. He pulled out a sleek silver gun and set it on the table. "Let's take guns out of the equation, shall we, gentlemen?"

 

Thorin and Bofur exchanged looks before they both drew out their weapons. As one they threw them forward onto the ground. Azog slid his across the table onto the floor to join them.

 

"What do you want?" Thorin asked, shifting his stance slightly.

 

"It's not what _I_ want, is it?" Azog asked, downing his drink in one. "The question is really what your little bird wants."

 

Bilbo frowned and shuffled closer to Thorin. He didn't like where this was heading.

 

"Or rather," Azog said as he rose and crossed to the bar, dropping his glass down and gesturing for a refill. " _Who_ he wants."

 

"What are you talking about?" Thorin snapped.

 

Bilbo closed his eyes. Azog knew. One of the Orcs must have seen he and Bofur that night. And now Azog was going to use it against Thorin.

 

"Thorin, let's go," Bilbo said softly, tugging at his sleeve. "We've got Frodo, let's just leave."

 

"Don't spoil the fun, little bird," Azog said, his voice dangerously low. "If you walk out of here I'll have my Orcs find your boy and I'll send him back to you piece by piece. Now, answer the question, little bird. Who do you want? You seem rather close with Oakenshield, but from what my boys reported of you and the other one..."

 

"Bilbo, what is he talking about?" Thorin asked, his brow crinkled in confusion. He looked over at Bofur who was staring at the ground. "Bilbo?"

 

"Let's have a game, shall we?" Azog interrupted, picking up his new drink. "The little bird picks which one lives and which ones dies."

 

"Enough!" Bofur stepped forward, his eyes alight with anger. "We're not gonna play yer game!"

 

Bofur turned to Thorin and Bilbo, his eyes anguished. He took a deep breath and stepped forward, looking Thorin in the eye.

 

"I kissed Bilbo," he announced. "In an alley not far from here, the night he tracked down that scum over there. I kissed him, he pushed me away and told me he can't. I'll never lay a hand on him again, Thorin, ye have my word."

 

Thorin stood stock still, not moving a muscle. Bilbo couldn't look away from him, and neither could Bofur. They were both waiting for his reaction, waiting to see what the outcome would be.

 

"You really don't like to play games, do you?" Azog snapped, clearly irritated. He pulled a second gun from his jacket, pointing it at the frozen Thorin. "Let me decide for you, little bird. Your lover will die, and the other will have to live with the fact that he was always a second choice."

 

Thorin spurred into action, shoving Bilbo behind him. Bofur shot forward, placing himself between Thorin and Azog.

 

"Bofur, move," Thorin snapped. Bofur stood his ground. "Now, damn it!"

 

"No," Bofur shook his head and then looked over his shoulder, grinning and winking. "You keep him happy, cousin."

 

"Pathetic," Azog snarled as he cocked the gun. "I should kill you all for that."

 

Bilbo tensed as Azog's lips curled into an ugly sneer. He raised the gun, the barrel pointed at Bofur, and Bilbo slid his arms around Thorin's waist, clinging as tight as he could to him.

 

_Thump!_

 

Bilbo stared in shock as Azog's eyes rolled up into his head and then he slumped forward onto the floor. Standing behind where he had been was the old man from the bar, his walking cane still raised from where he had bashed Azog's head. Bilbo stared at the man for a long moment before he realized that he knew him.

 

" _Gandalf?_ "

 

Gandalf Grey set down his cane and shook his head.

 

"You damn kids," he grunted. "Getting into all sorts of trouble these days!"

 

"What were you doing, Bofur?" Thorin demanded, stepping out of the circle of Bilbo's arms to glare at the other man. "How was I supposed to tell Bombur and Bifur that you'd gotten yourself killed?"

 

"I would gladly do it again."

 

"You're a moron, cousin."

 

"Aye, I know."

 

Bilbo shook his head and hurried over to Gandalf, taking care to step on Azog on the way.

 

"What are you doing here?" Bilbo asked as Gandalf chuckled and pulled him into a hug. "Selling your fireworks in Erebor?"

 

"Oh Bilbo," Gandalf patted his head as he led him towards the exit of the club, Thorin and Bofur still bickering behind them. "My journeys take me many places."

 

"I am glad they brought you here today," Bilbo said with a soft sigh. "It's almost like magic."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Brisbane bound on Tuesday, just so you know, folks! I'll be gone for a week, so there won't be any updates >__


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter, where everything is all said and done.

The few hours were a blur.

 

The police had shown up and tried to detain Thorin. Fíli, Kíli and Legolas arrived on the scene, and after a few soft spoken words between Legolas and the police officer in charge they stepped away from Thorin, leaving him be. Azog was brought out into a police car, looking dazed and confused. The main charge was abduction, but the police force had been wanting to bring him in almost as long as they had been chasing down something to pin on Thorin.

 

Thorin's men were bustling around, dragging Orcs in from surrounding alleys for the cops to arrest. It was an odd sight, members of the Durin crime family working side by side with the police. Bilbo spotted Dwalin and Ori at one point, the older man had the young assistant pushed up against the wall between two buildings and was kissing him with such soft tenderness that it made Bilbo feel like an intruder, and he had to look away.

 

Frodo and Bilbo found themselves packed into Gandalf's little car, and before they knew it they were on the highway back to the Shire. Frodo remained huddled up against Bilbo but told him that Aragorn was coming in from Gondor straight away, even if he had to drive four hours in the dark.

 

Bilbo only realized once they were halfway home that he hadn't told Thorin where he was going, nor did he have his phone. Sighing irritably he mentally reminded himself to tell Gandalf to get in contact with him and let him know. God knows they didn't need the Durin family tearing up the Shire looking for him.

 

They arrived at the Shire quite quickly, which Bilbo chalked up to Gandalf's crazy ways, and Bilbo was more than happy to slump into his lounge, giving Samwise a fright, and then drag himself off to bed. Frodo did the same after telling Bilbo he was going to leave the door unlocked for Aragorn. Gandalf settled himself into Bilbo's armchair, telling them that he would keep himself busy, and not to worry about him.

 

Bilbo had been happy to strip down to his briefs and crawl into bed, the long day taking its toll on him. He wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep til morning.

 

So when he was awoken barely an hour later by raised voices in the living room he was _not_ impressed.

 

"No, no, no, no, no," he grumbled as he kicked off the blankets, rolled out of bed, chucked on his robe and stomped out of his bedroom. "No, no, no, no, no!"

 

He burst into the living room, startling the men who filled the small space and glared everyone down, mainly Thorin who was arguing with a mellow-looking Gandalf.

 

"-can't just take off with people, old man! I was-"

 

"No, no, no!" Bilbo snapped, pointing his finger at Thorin. "It has been a long day and I finally got to sleep! So no!"

 

"Bilbo, I was just-"

 

"No!" Bilbo cut him off. "I am going to bed. I want all of you to either keep it down or get out!"

 

Bilbo stomped back to his bedroom and slammed the door shut behind him. He took a deep breath and stepped towards his bed before he paused for a moment, and turned back around.

 

Bilbo opened the door and stomped back out into the living room where the men were all filing out one by one. They paused and watched him warily as he made his way back across the room to where Thorin was still beside Gandalf. Bilbo calmly took Thorin's hand and then marched back to his bedroom, dragging the man behind him.

 

"I'm taking this," he called over his shoulder. "You can have it back tomorrow."

 

He slammed the bedroom door shut, sending a silent apology to Frodo, and released Thorin's hand. He untied his robe and let it slide to the floor as he crawled into bed, leaving Thorin staring at him by the door. Once he was settled he fixed Thorin with a glare.

 

"Either come to bed or get out."

 

Thorin stumbled forward, kicking off his shoes and stripping off his jacket at the same time. Bilbo huffed and rolled over, his back to the man, and pulled the comforter up to cover his shoulders. The bed dipped a moment later and then Thorin was there, pressed up against Bilbo's back as an arm slid around his waist. Lips pressed soft kisses to his shoulder as their legs tangled together.

 

"Go to sleep," Bilbo grumbled as he shuffled back until his body was pressed up against Thorin's. "We have to talk in the morning."

 

"As you command."

 

Bilbo huffed at the teasing words, his eyes already drifting shut. Thorin was so warm behind him, a solid presence and a comforting one.

 

Bilbo had never felt safer in his life than he did that night, drifting off in the arms of a crime lord.

 

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Bilbo awoke to the most pleasant sensation of lips moving across his skin. He mumbled softly as they moved down his neck, darted across his collarbone and dripped lower. When they brushed over one of his nipples he couldn't suppress a slight moan of pleasure, and he forced his eyes to open.

 

Thorin smirked up at him from where he was hovering over Bilbo, hands tracing soft patterns on Bilbo's thighs. Bilbo stared at him through sleep dazed eyes and reached for him, burying his hands in thick dark hair.

 

"Good morning," Thorin chuckled as he pressed a soft kiss to Bilbo's chest. "Sleep well?"

 

"I did," Bilbo mumbled as he ran his fingers through Thorin's hair. "But... Did I... yell at you, last night?"

 

"You yelled at everyone last night," Thorin laughed as he shifted up on the bed, stretching out next to Bilbo and gazing down at him. "Except Gandalf. Though considering how high he was he probably wouldn't have cared if you did."

 

"High?" Bilbo squeaked. "No!"

 

"Of course," Thorin said with an amused chuckle. "As long as he doesn't skip a payment I don't care."

 

"Payment?" Bilbo asked, crinkling his brow. "What on Earth are you talking about?"

 

"Gandalf," Thorin said with his own frown. "He's my best dealer."

 

"You sell fireworks?" Bilbo asked, completely baffled. Thorin gave him a long look.

 

"Bilbo," he said slowly. "You do know that Gandalf sells drugs, yes?"

 

"What?!" Bilbo shot up, staring at his living room door. "No! He sells fireworks!"

 

"As a cover for his drug trade," Thorin said, an amused smile taking over his face. "You truly did not know?"

 

"He- he's been around for years!" Bilbo cried. "Everyone in The Shire knows him! He sells fireworks! I've helped track down people who have skipped out on paymen- oh my God, he _is_ a drug dealer! Who skips out on payments on fireworks?!"

 

Thorin laughed outright at that and pressed a kiss to Bilbo's head, pushing him to lay back down. Bilbo let out a soft sound of distress but dropped back.

 

"Oh my God," Bilbo whimpered as Thorin set about attacking his neck. "I've had him baby sit Frodo before!"

 

Thorin snorted against Bilbo's neck and then began to suck at a spot that had all thoughts of Gandalf flying out of Bilbo's head. Bilbo's back arched and he let out a soft moan, his hands gripping the sheets.

 

"Enough talk about Gandalf," Thorin murmured as he rolled over atop Bilbo. "I believe we were interrupted before?"

 

Thorin swooped in and pressed his lips to Bilbo's, causing the smaller man to squirm in delight beneath him. Bilbo tugged Thorin closer and ran his hands over the other's broad shoulders, sighing in pleasure. Something still niggled at the back of his mind though, a subject that needed to be cleared.

 

"Thorin, Thorin, wait," Bilbo mumbled in between kisses. "Thorin, wait."

 

"What?" Thorin grunted as he moved to nip at Bilbo's earlobe.

 

"I-I'm sorry," Bilbo whispered. "About Bofur."

 

Thorin paused and then moved back, looking down at Bilbo. Bilbo stared back at the man, wondering what would happen next. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned Bofur at all. It was stupid to bring up another man when you had one if your bed already, after all.

 

"As am I," Thorin said at last. "I feel he could have made you happy. And your life would be a lot simpler with him. But... I am entirely too selfish to let you go."

 

With that Thorin pressed his lips back to Bilbo's, clearly considering the matter closed. Bilbo wrapped his arms around Thorin's neck, tugging him closer and arching his back eagerly.

 

"I am not a completely selfish being though," Thorin whispered as they parted. His eyes glittered in the dim of the room. "Let me show you."

 

Thorin's lips fell back to his neck and Bilbo squirmed at the touch, loving the brush of Thorin's beard over his skin. Soft kisses turned into bites, and Bilbo dug his hair back into Thorin's hair, tugging softly. Thorin looked up at him and smiled darkly.

 

"Let me devour you."

 

Bilbo nodded frantically and Thorin's lips returned to his chest, latching onto a nipple and teasing it softly while his hands moved to spread his thighs. Bilbo encouraged both actions by spreading his legs further and pushing Thorin's mouth closer using the grip on his hair.

 

Thorin grasped one of Bilbo's thighs and pushed his leg up until he could thrust against him, a teasing prelude of what was to come. Bilbo writhed beneath him, pulling at his hair and bucking his hips in anticipation.

 

"Tell me you have what we need," Thorin groaned against Bilbo's skin as he thrust forward again. His free hand curled down to play with the waistband of Bilbo's briefs teasingly. "Bilbo?"

 

"Hm? Oh! Yes!" Bilbo twisted free of Thorin and reached over to the bedside table. He dug inside until he came back with a tube of lube and a condom. Before he could roll back over Thorin plastered himself across his back, thrusting lightly and kissing behind his ear. "Ohh... Thorin..."

 

Thorin chuckled and move back, pulling Bilbo with him. He took the condom and lube from Bilbo's grip and set it aside before pinning Bilbo to the mattress, kissing him thoroughly. Bilbo squirmed and rocked them until they rolled over, and he quickly straddled Thorin's lap. Thorin blinked up at him, dazed, and Bilbo smiled shyly down at him before running his hands through Thorin's dark hair. He rocked on Thorin's lap for a moment, enjoying the friction. Thorin's hands came up to grasp his hips, helping his movements.

 

"Get these off," Thorin grunted as he tugged at the waistband of Bilbo's briefs. "Now."

 

Bilbo shuffled off of Thorin's lap and tugged his underwear off eagerly, kicking it aside. Thorin grunted and slid his own boxers down. Bilbo swallowed slightly as they were tossed aside, his eyes taking Thorin in. Biting his lip in anticipation Bilbo moved in close, leaning up to kiss Thorin.

 

Thorin cupped his face and pulled him closer, and Bilbo allowed the other man's tongue into his mouth while his hand fumbled for the lube. When he found it he quickly uncapped it and squeezed some out, coating three of his fingers hurriedly.

 

Bilbo whimpered as he pushed the first one into himself, breaking the kiss with Thorin to rest his forehead against the other man's shoulder. Thorin groaned above him and then there were hands on his back, running along the arch of his spine.

 

Bilbo panted heavily as he slid a second finger into himself, stretching his body out. Thorin slid gently out from under him, leaving him leaning heavily on his free arm on the bed, ass in the air. Bilbo groaned when Thorin moved behind him, a hand tracing almost fervently over his rear, pulling his cheeks apart.

 

"That's it," Thorin groaned, his voice husky with lust. "Work yourself open for me."

 

"Thorin..." Bilbo groaned. "Uh..."

 

Bilbo squeaked as Thorin slid one of his own fingers into Bilbo along with his own. Thorin grunted and guided their fingers in deeper, pressing around until Bilbo let out a shout. Pleasure arched through him and he bucked on the fingers, twisting his own around to find that spot again. Thorin pressed it deliberately, and Bilbo collapsed in a heap on the bed.

 

"Please..." he whispered. "Please, Thorin..."

 

"God, Bilbo, you'll be the death of me," Thorin groaned above him. Bilbo heard a crinkling and then Thorin hissed slightly, clearly sliding on the condom. Bilbo pushed his rear higher into the air, desperate for attention. He was not disappointed.

 

A large hand settled on his hip and then Thorin was guiding himself forward. Bilbo whimpered and pressed back on the thick length pressing into him.

 

"That's it..." Thorin mumbled above him. "You're taking me so well."

 

"Please, please, please," Bilbo pleaded as Thorin bottomed out and slid the rest of the way in.  "So full, Thorin, so good."

 

"You're so tight," Thorin grunted as he plastered himself along Bilbo's back. He thrust his hips forward lazily, grinding in. "That's it..."

 

"Ahh..." Bilbo pressed his arm to his forehead as he rolled back onto the thrusts. It had been a while since he had done this, but it was just as magnificent as he remembered. "Ohh... Thorin..."

 

Thorin pressed soft kisses along Bilbo's neck as he thrust, keeping it slow and hard. Bilbo knew he was moaning quite loudly every time Thorin brushed over _that spot_ inside of him, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Feeling Thorin inside him had him euphoric.

 

Thorin shifted suddenly, moving up onto his knees and pulling Bilbo up with him by his hips. He snapped forward, moving faster and harder now. Bilbo whimpered and pushed back, up on his knees now.

 

"That's it," Thorin whispered in his ear. "Push back on me. Take your pleasure, take it, Bilbo. You like this, don't you?"

 

"Y-Yes!" Bilbo gasped out. "I do! Th-Thorin, please!"

 

"Yes, Bilbo?" Thorin thrust forward harder now. "What is it?"

 

"More, please, more!" Bilbo begged shamelessly. "I want more!"

 

"And you shall have it," Thorin grunted as he began to thrust in earnest. Bilbo bit back a sob of pleasure as the whole bed shook with the force of it.

 

"Thorin! Ah!" Bilbo squeezed his eyes shut. "I- I want- Thorin- I want-"

 

"What do you want?" Thorin growled in his ear. "What is it?"

 

"To see you," Bilbo whimpered. "I w-want to see y-you when I come."

 

Thorin paused for a moment before he withdrew slowly from Bilbo. He flipped him over onto his back and surged forward, pressing back in and slamming his lips down on Bilbo's at the same time. Bilbo wrapped his legs around Thorin's waist and dug his hands eagerly back into that thick hair. Thorin's tongue teased his lips before it dipped in.

 

Bilbo bucked up when Thorin's hand closed around his neglected length. Bilbo squirmed, moaning loudly at that. Thorin pulled back and gazed down at Bilbo, panting softly.

 

"You're so lovely," Thorin whispered. "So beautiful."

 

"Uh, ah!" Bilbo was beyond speech. "Th-Thorin!"

 

"Do you want to come, my pretty?" Thorin whispered as he stroked Bilbo faster. "Are you going to come for me? All over yourself?"

 

"Yes!" Bilbo cried as he squirmed harder. "Oh! Uh, Thorin!"

 

"Come for me," Thorin whispered as he leant in to brush his lips over Bilbo's. "Come for me, love."

 

Bilbo came with a shout of Thorin's name, his vision blurring as he shuddered and arched. His orgasm seemed to sear every nerve in his body, sending him floating on euphoric waves of pleasure.

 

Thorin grunted above him and thrust harder a handful of times before he too was stiffening and collapsing with a groan of Bilbo's name. Bilbo wrapped himself around Thorin, clinging to him tightly.

 

Thorin pressed a soft kiss to his forehead before he detached from Bilbo. Bilbo let out a dissatisfied grumble but Thorin merely smiled at him before moving off. He returned with a handful of tissues to clean Bilbo up with, the condom disposed of.

 

Bilbo pulled Thorin back into his arms as soon as the tissues were in the bin. Thorin collapsed gladly into his embrace, pressing a kiss to Bilbo's lips.

 

"That was a wonderful way to wake up," Bilbo mumbled as he pressed closer to Thorin.

 

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Thorin murmured back as he trailed kisses along Bilbo's jaw. "I'll do it every day if you wish."

 

"Mmm, sounds lovely," Bilbo curled up against Thorin, quite ready to go back to sleep. "Maybe in an hour or so..."

 

Thorin chuckled and kissed Bilbo once more before resting his head on Bilbo's.

 

"You are incredible, Bilbo Baggins."

 

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It wasn't perfect. God knows it wasn't perfect, but the next following months Bilbo found a way to make it work.

 

He became a regular presence in Erebor, and in The Lonely Mountain. Fíli and Kíli delighted in having him around, if only because they could tease their Uncle mercilessly.

 

Bilbo never forgot what Thorin was. Every time a new article came out in a newspaper, or on the evening report Bilbo was sharply reminded that he was involved with someone who was not a very nice person.

 

But Bilbo couldn't bring himself to care.

 

He knew he should be horrified. He should try and distance himself from Thorin as much as possible, but he was too far gone. Bilbo could see the good in Thorin, and it heavily outweighed the bad. Every time the news would report on another shoot out between the Durin family and the police Bilbo would watch with detached interest, and remember Thorin's interaction with Kíli after his archery tournament instead, where he had wrapped an arm around the boy and told him he had no doubt that Kíli was going to be the victor.

 

Bilbo's family was shocked, of course. The Baggins side, that was. The Took side were all rather proud. Still, after Bilbo brought Thorin to his Great Uncle's birthday party, and the man had successfully charmed everyone he came across, they all seemed to relax and welcome him into the fold.

 

Bilbo still worked out of his little office in The Shire, much to Thorin's annoyance. He still took on any and all cases he could, and he still lived in his little house in The Shire, squashed next to Hamfast's with his perfect garden. And if on some days he would leave the office to find Bifur's car waiting for him, well, he never complained. He simply hopped into the back seat and allowed himself to be driven to Erebor, and Thorin.

 

Thranduil and Thorin still despised one another, but on a much safer scale. Instead of two crime lords that wanted the other dead, they were two parental figures who hated their child's boyfriend's father.

 

Frodo finally brought Aragorn home for dinner.

 

A dinner that was crashed by both young Durin boys, Thorin and Legolas, who was apparently an old friend of Aragorn's anyway, much to Thorin's disgust.

 

It wasn't perfect. But Bilbo had always found perfect overrated anyway.

 

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"Baggins Investigations, Bilbo Baggins speaking."

 

" _Mr Baggins, I need to engage your services straight away. Important business._ "

 

"And what seems to be the problem?"

 

" _I need you to come home so I can fuck you over my couch._ "

 

"Thorin! I said no more calls during office hours!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://www.facebook.com/TanukiMara

**Author's Note:**

> New story! Short one. Unbeta'd, so all mistakes are my own.
> 
>  
> 
> http://www.facebook.com/TanukiMara


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